I’ve noticed that many people, including these particular exes, avoid the “L” word for lots of reasons. They feel that saying “I love you” means that there’s supposed a forever permanence, bond or commitment that they can never back out of.
I’m not trivializing the “L” word, but that’s a lot to load on the definition of love.
I get the feeling that not saying “I love you” gives men a false armor they think that’s supposed to protect their hearts from getting broken. (I can only speak for men. I’ve never been in any kind of relationship with a woman.)
I call bullshit on those excuses.
I’m one of those people who can identify love at Ground Zero. A lot of people dismiss Ground Zero as just a crush or infatuation, but when being with someone makes you feel good and you go out of your way to make time to spend with that person, what do you call that?
I call that the foundation upon which to move forward and to make bigger and greater things happen.
Let’s be honest, in midlife or after a divorce, when we seek a partner, it’s usually not just about a need for sex. It’s about wanting someone to desire us, someone who thinks we’re smart, beautiful and attractive. It can also mean having someone in our lives who can be our +1 for social occasions. It can mean just having someone to come over for dinner and cuddle on the couch to watch a good movie on a Friday night, It can mean having someone to call after a bad day at work and being able to laugh and smile at the end of the call.
I find it silly when two people make time to be with each other a couple of days or nights a week and then tell themselves and others, “We’re just friends,” for months or even years.
Personally, I think that’s insulting. When I’ve heard that, I felt that everything I felt about and did for that person was devalued and not appreciated.
Just what do you call it when you go on romantic dates or send flowers or give each other thoughtful gifts? Do you do those kinds of things for all of your friends?
Love grows over time, but love can’t grow unless if you can’t acknowledge it or say the word.
In my experiences, I wound up leaving those relationships. They were two relationships that started out with the hallmarks of being great relationships. I left those relationships because of the push back, pull back ways I was being treated. I felt I deserved better.
Love happens, even if you deny it or can’t say the word. And you can’t expect or demand that your partner should go along with your denial and be okay with it.
Simply put, you can’t expect the perks of a relationship if you’re not willing to be a responsible and respectful partner.
It’s silly to think that we can walk away from relationships without a scratch if we don’t say, “I love you.” Avoiding the “L” word can be the reason hearts get broken once again, even if the heart that gets broken isn’t yours.
Note: Parrot is neither one of those men I referred to in this post. We’ve had and I hope we can continue to have a wonderful relationship based on love in the way we’ve defined it between ourselves. It’s a wonderful thing and an example I hope all people follow in their relationships regardless of how things progress between us. I still don’t know, but I’m hopeful for the best.