As an erotica writer and sex blogger I read a lot about sex … not just the juicy and spicy stuff, but stuff about sex research and sex trends in society and culture, as well. That’s why I’m a big fan of William Quincy Belle’s blog.
Does William come off as some kind of super Lothario? No. He’s just an incredibly intelligent and well-mannered man. (OK, I have a weak spot for intelligent and well-mannered men.) In my eyes, he’s proof that chivalrous men come in many forms.
Ms. Quote: You cover a number of topics on your blog — society, culture, politics, music and sex. Like all of the other topics you cover, you discuss sex from a very personal and intelligent perspective. Why is sex one of your favorite topics?
William Quincy Belle: Like many bloggers, I started writing out of some egotistical need to explain my ideas to the world. I have since discovered that blogging and amateur writing, this modern day word of mouth dissemination of information in our society, contains as much superstition, misinformation, and outright lies as it did when we thought the world was flat, tobacco smoke enemas cured cholera, and witches had to be burned at the stake. I have endeavoured in my writing to not just state my opinion but to back it up with expert references to better arrive at the point where I am stating fact. Independent scientists doing independent research can independently arrive at the same results. Of course, with many topics like politics, global warming, and even sex, there are a lot of opinions, only some scientists and not always a lot of research. Arriving at the facts can be very difficult. On top of it, I have discovered that even armed with facts, we still must compete with faith and who needs facts when you have faith?
I hadn’t thought of sex as being a favourite topic but then again, who doesn’t enjoy sex? Isn’t pleasure, isn’t sexual pleasure supposed to be everyone’s birthright? Unfortunately, a lot of us are not having as much fun as we could be having and some are having no fun at all. I would like to contribute something to making the collective we a little bit better.
I believe that sex is the primordial glue which holds our relationships together. Sex isn’t so much optional like eating ice cream but more mandatory as in eating itself. Obviously you aren’t going to die if you don’t have sex like eating, but sex is more of a need than we care to admit.
Ms. Quote: Do you find that many men compartmentalize and can’t combine the concepts of their lustful and raw sexual drives and being courteous, kind and romantic to women? If so, why is that so hard for men to do?
William Quincy Belle: Does a fish know it’s living in a fishbowl? We live in a society, in a set of circumstances that we do not fully understand. We don’t know how we got here. And we have not objectively assessed whether what we are currently doing is the right thing to do.
All of us have had behaviours forced on us by our culture and our traditions. Women have been taught to suppress their sexuality. Men have been taught to suppress their sensuality. I, for one, do not fully understand why this is the case and it would seem that even the experts, sociologists and psychiatrists, do not necessarily know with certainty. Yes, we have a status quo. Yes, we live in a society that is the way it is. But does this mean we can’t change the world? Does this mean we can’t do something to try to make this a better place, if not for ourselves, for future generations?
Ms. Quote: I’m sure you’re read several articles about how chivalry is dead. Do you think chivalry is an outdated or futile concept when it comes to sex, dating and relationships?
William Quincy Belle: Is chivalry dead? Do politeness and respect go out of style? What about common human decency?
We read a headline and a single story can give us the idea that the entire world is going to hell in a handcart. Is this true? Are things worse today then, let’s say, a hundred years ago? I can’t unequivocally say one way or another. Yes, the headlines may tell some horrible tale but life is also filled with many acts of kindness. I’m not saying we can’t collectively strive to make life better. Politeness, respect, kindness, and generosity are important concepts for life in general and for sex, dating, and relationships. Besides, being nice just feels damn good.
But is chivalry dead? I don’t deny that once in a while you run into somebody who didn’t get the memo about feeling damn good. I would hope though, that statistically decency wins out. In today’s world of instant communication, the Internet, etc., I think we have more news than ever before. Does this mean things are worse today than yesterday? If yesterday seemed more peaceful, it may very well be an impression of life based on ignorance stemming from a lack of communication.
Ms. Quote: You’re a very driven advocate of women’s sexual empowerment and have profiled a number of very influential sex-positive women on your blog. (See some of my favorite articles: Sex Ed: Karen B. K. Chan, Esther Perel: Is this woman on to something? and Sex Ed: Betty Dodson: educator, author, pro-sex feminist.) You write about these women with a high level of respect and reverence. How do you treat or have treated the women/woman in your life?
William Quincy Belle: Life is a learning experience. I admit to being a flawed individual and during my bumbling years as a teenager and a twenty something, I may not have been the epitome of suave. Filled with so much testosterone I am still surprised I didn’t self-combust, I know there were times I did not focus as much as I should have on emotion satisfaction as opposed to sexual gratification. Nevertheless, I was brought up to be polite and respectful and continue to be so. I am not sexist, racist, elitist, or whatever -ist may come up. Although, in high school, I was the bass guitarist in a local rock band.
We all deserve our place in the sun with equal opportunity. If you are plumber, you are paid regardless of gender. It doesn’t matter if you are a male employee or a female employee. Yes, I know there are holdovers from our traditions, but I would like to think we are headed in the right direction. (In some cases, we still have a long way to go.) I have had two female doctors in my time and both of them asked me if I was comfortable with them doing what is considered a male examination. I didn’t care. Competency is measured by the diploma on the wall.
But I would add that when it comes to more personal matters, relationships, men and women are different. We are yin and yang. Yes, in life it is equal opportunity for all but on a personal level, we are still two parts of the whole. I promote our equality as human beings and I celebrate our differences as men and women.