Adult Humor

Craigslist Douchebag: Bad Santa

We all love a good train wreck: Lindsay Lohan, Honey Boo Boo and her family, or any of the Kardashians. For me, it’s the douchebags who post Craigslist personal ads. They’re usually good for a laugh, but I’m convinced there’s a special place in Hell for this guy who really knows how to put the “Ho ho ho” in the holidays …

Happy holidays. I posted recently, but perhaps my intent was misunderstood. So, the optimist in me is ready to try again. I am hoping to meet a single parent who may be having trouble providing a good Christmas for her child, or children. Two at most, not a herd-LOL Do you have time to date, and let me take you to nice dinners, movies, concerts, bowling, etc, so that we can get to know each other. You work hard for your family, but cannot seem to catch a break? Please let me be specific about what I am looking for. I will not answer messages asking for money in exchange for hookups. No pros, please. I do not want to throw money on the end of the bed after a quickie. I am single, live alone, and blessed with everything that I need. I grew up in poverty, and remember what it felt like to wake up to nothing on Christmas many times. There is no worse feeling for a child. Those memories are what always make me want to help. Because of my busy schedule and personal matters, I do not desire a serious relationship at this juncture. Would not be fair to the other person. Instead, I want to meet a fit, fun, classy, and down to earth girl to treat like a queen, have some vigorous adult fun with, and make certain that her children have smiles on their faces on that all important morning. I am a father myself, godfather, and a youth sports coach. I would never let a child down, like many men do. I am very realistic, and just want us to part ways as friends when that time comes. I would rather be thought of as someone who did something kind for you, instead of another asshole who used you. I am cute, I am told. That is the word you women always use to describe me. ‘Hot’ would be better. LOL Youthful looking for sure, fit, nice teeth. Dress nice when I need to, and smell good. I have no desire to meet your children. My focus is on you, sister. If you thrive, then so will they. Their gifts are from you, and no one else. Let me treat YOU right for a change, and we can go together the weekend before Christmas and get what they need. Up until that point, you will have to take a chance, and trust me. No pay to play as we go along. I am generous, but not a sap. Kind, but never a pushover. I can smell BS a mile away. I am not a saint, or perfect in any way. Obviously, I am looking for something, as well. But I would rather see an honest mom get treated right. Nothing sexier than that. Attach a picture (Not a nude one) and tell me bit about yourself. No one liners, please. Put ‘HOLIDAYS’ in the subject line. I will not open it without both. Sexy single moms only. Looking forward…