Debunking Slut Shaming and Sex Blogger Beliefs & Myths

There have been several times over the past few months that I’ve wanted to write a post that busts the misconceptions of sex writers and bloggers. It wasn’t until I came across William Quincy Belle’s blog post, Slut Shaming Women Who Have Sex, that finally lit the fire under my sexy, libidinous ass.

Part of William’s post is about the flack that Robin Juliet (a pseudonym, AKA Panty Parade of Off Go the Panties) got from her article, How to Get Everything You Want from Casual Sex (without Hurting People). The comments that followed her story turned out to be a flame war that could have ignited a fire to burn Robin at the stake.

One of the most incendiary comments came from “Crystal Edelstein”.

Robin:
Your serious lack of self esteem is apparent in your writing. Please refrain from your harmful advice and stop writing. You need to re-examine your life and values before you dole out advice to anyone. I hope you get the support you need to be healthy in the future.

Whoa! Who is “Crystal” to assume Robin’s level of self-esteem or suggest that she reexamine her life and values?

(Personally, I think “Crystal” should reexamine her values for swiping the URL of a guy who’s a photography blogger for the ID link of her(?) username on The Good Men Project site. Obviously, “Crystal” doesn’t have the balls (or vagina?) to publicly stand behind her(?) comment.)

It amazes me in a country where 50% of marriages end up in divorce that people are so tied into this “sex is for married people only” thing.

It blows in the face of sex being human psychological and physiological drives. It doesn’t know the boundaries of a wedding ring and a document stored in a county courthouse.

Robin and I are both unmarried women in our 40s. While the way we conduct our sex lives are different, it’s not my place to pass judgment on her. I happen to prefer monogamous, committed relationships and she enjoys the benefits of having friends with benefits. If you’re married or single and choose to remain abstinent, how I, Robin and others like us conduct our sex lives, it’s none of your concern. Our sex lives have no effect on other people’s lives … unless they are our sex partners.

As far as I’m concerned, as long as people are going to pursue and engage in FWB/NSA sex, I thought Robin imparted some very wise advice for both women and men.

Overall, the advice and information that Robin, I and many sex bloggers impart is a whole lot more intelligent, responsible and ethical than many people would believe.

Here are some myths I’d like to bust:

Sunga Empire sculpture (India), 1st century BCE. Metropolitan Museum of Art. Source: Wikipedia

Sex bloggers are corrupting society and children: Sex – between married partners, cheating spouses, kinksters, one-night standers, and same-sex partners – has been around for thousands of years. Sex and depictions of it have around before the Internet. Sex has been part of civilization before man-made “rules” about sex being only for people who exchange rings and file legal documents at the county hall … of for procreation only.

Since sex is a natural human function that makes people feels good and happy, people will always find ways to feed their bodies and minds and find ways to make sex better and more enjoyable. That’s the service I see sex bloggers providing.

Sure, there are some sex bloggers who are pretty dubious and out there. Then again, the same can be said for media outlets and personalities that reach and influence millions of people like Fox News and Rush Limbaugh.

Without sex writers and bloggers, you could expect more people asking equally uninformed people questions like these on, ironically, adult content-blocking sites like Yahoo!…

Sex bloggers are corrupting our children: I’ve never talked to a sex blogger that ever advocated that kids under 18 should visit their site. While I and other sex bloggers I’ve talked to agree that teens should be given honest and credible information about sex, it should be provided at an age appropriate level at school, from their parents, or a credible source recommended by their parents. I’ll be the first to admit that the content on my site is inappropriate for kids.

Personally, I don’t think teens under 18 should have sex. They’re incapable of consenting to or making responsible decisions about sex. They’re only some of the many reasons why parents are legally responsible for them until 18. Parents will also see that I have a content warning page and an 18+ disclaimer prominently displayed on every page if they happen to do their due diligence and find my URL when they review the web browser history on their family’s or kid’s computer.

Sex bloggers are perverts and morally corrupt: Speaking for myself, I have many other interests aside from sex: cooking, wine, beer, politics, writing, journalism and social media. I just happen to find sex to be the most intriguing and interesting among all of my interests. That same kind of intrigue and interest could be said about people that blog about birds, bees or guns and ammo.

Also, if you read my blog, I talk a lot about consent, respect and communication … a lot. Some say I can get rather preachy about those things, even when I write about things like BDSM and FWB.

Female sex bloggers and women who enjoy sex are sluts: Over 90% of time, sex involves a woman. If sex is supposed to be enjoyable, shouldn’t women enjoy sex, too?

And what about the 50% of men who are single and/or divorced? Do they have an off switch for their sex drives? I often hear single men being ridiculed if they’re not having sex or accused of being gay (as if it’s a bad thing) if they don’t have a woman in their lives.

And if it’s okay to shame women for enjoying and pursuing sex, why doesn’t society shame guys like these*?

*The ratio of men to women looking for NSA sex on Craigslist can range from 10:1 to 20:1, Source: Your chances of getting laid through Craigslist, A Bloggasm case study, Bloggasm, Aug. 26, 2006

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About Bobbie Morgan (1247 Articles)
Bobbie Morgan is the beditor-in-chief of A Good Woman's Dirty Mind. When she's not blogging or having the best sex ever, she's putting out writing and social media services for adult businesses. Use the contact link to reach her by email.

17 Comments on Debunking Slut Shaming and Sex Blogger Beliefs & Myths

  1. There really is a lot of misogynism isn’t there… lots of woman haters.. But you know what I love? The fact that every article you write does a little bit to change that.

    I’m a mom of four boys. They’re little…. I don’t think that there is EVER a necessary reason to sexualize their childhood – however, I DO think they need to understand concepts like:
    Anatomy
    Consent
    Bodily autonomy…

    And sex positive bloggers do a lot to normalize and rationalize those concepts.

    As parents, we can teach our kids age appropriate sex ed. Mine have all seen births, they anatomically know where babies come from. Is it sexualized? Heck No!!! Is it normal, natural, and safe – Why, yes, yes it is.

    So, I would like to count myself amongst the sex bloggers corrupting our kids… but in a really healthy, positive, empowering, amazing way. ;-)

    • Please forgive my lapse in approving your comment. It’s one of several that have been getting caught up in my spam blocker.

      I, too, am the mother of boys, and it sounds as if we brought them up the same way. And a lot of their sex education from me during their teen years involved a lot of discussions about sexual responsibility, especially respect for girls/women. I’m sure their wives would say I did a good job. :)

      I’ll have to check out your blog, but I’ll have to admit that my content isn’t teen-appropriate. However, there are plenty of adults — both men and women — who could stand to learn a few lessons about slut shaming.

      • Oh yes… yes they could.
        Just look at cyber bullying epidemic – We could go a long way to teach teens about sex positivity (age appropriately) in school.

        • I happen to think that schools do a horrible job at teaching kids sex education — not because they’re lousy teachers, but they have to be so damn careful about what they teach kids in order to appease hysterical, ignorant parents.

    • I agree, Kiera there is a lot of misogynism out there and on the web, many are quick to publish their hateful opinions about liberated women. They fail to respect it’s a woman’s civil right and decision about her own sex life.

      Just as it’s parents responsibility and right to teach their children values. Claiming sex bloggers are corrupting American children is fallacy thinking and finger pointing.

      Many people these days are sexually liberated and blog about it. Our decisions were not influenced by what we read on the internet during our youth, at least during mine, as it wasn’t available to me.

      Finally, people who claim that sexually confident female sex bloggers are perverted, immoral sluts fail to understand that;
      Liberty is a Moral Value!

  2. Thanks for posting this!

  3. Thank you, Ms. Quote for taking the time to write this article. The fuss over at GMP has been made by a few stray lunatics, but they DO go on about it, now don’t they?

    Taking the concept of debunking myths surrounding sex bloggers was brilliant! Bravo and thank you for your continued support.

    • Robin,

      Actually, I read your article as soon as it came out. I had no idea that such a flame war had ensued.

      Normally, I have a “don’t feed the trolls” rule. Usually, if you don’t get lured into their trap, they go away. But after seeing some of the comments that vilified you and women like us, I had to speak up. Ending slut shaming and providing credible and useful information is what I’m all about.

      I love your blog and read it often. I’d like to say keep up the good work, but I know you will!

  4. MsQuote,

    Hello!

    I am one of the men who commented on Ms. Juliet GMP article. I posted an innocent question to Ms. Juliet to which she replied,

    “…and then you went about answering your asinine question all by yourself in your own ridiculous, judgmental manner.”

    Further, she (Ms. Juliet) stated,

    “…Only then–and I encourage you to make a big effort to avoid any more wild claims, snarky attitudes, and/or mean spirited accusation..”

    I construed this to be a personal attack devoid of any intellectual content. Never once did I attack Ms. Juliet in a personal manner. I made some passionate comments about the sexual practice she engaged (based largely on the 7-10 stories on her blog).

    If people want to have FWB or casual sex, I have no problem with it. It just seem to me MS. Juliet engages in the most extreme and distasteful casual sex practices under the sun! It is taken to excess and over indulgent. No restraint whatsoever.

    I felt Ms. Juliet’s post on GMP was thoroughly inappropriate content for GMP. Just what does the kind of behavior M. Juliet engages in have to do with being a ‘good man?’ It is a fair question.

    What I have observed with ‘progressive minded people’ is they are quick to attack people personally and resort to name calling – ‘few stray lunatics.’
    Well Ms. Juliet, there are a lot more of us ‘stray lunatics’ than you think!

    • Jules,

      Forgive me for taking so long to approve your comment. I found it by accident; it was kicked into my spam blocker.

      Regardless of how you feel about casual sex, what makes you one of a “few stray lunatics” is your relentless pursuit of trashing Robin Juliet’s name and character on the Good Men Project website, on Robin Juliet’s Panty Parade and William Quincy Belle’s blogs, and now my blog. It’s perfectly fine to confine your comments to the comment section of the original post on GMP or even write about it on your own blog. What would be even more adult of you would be to focus your opinions on the topic at hand and not on personal attacke. Coming onto my and William’s blogs is stalkerish, creepy, and may be illegal.

      I don’t know where you or Robin live, but in Michigan there’s an Internet harassment (“posting”) law that you would clearly be in violation of (defaming one’s character in three or more online communications). Other states have similar laws, but I don’t know the parameters of those laws.

      Lastly, I am rather ticked off that you used my blog for your questionable online activities. If you have a problem with Robin writing for GMP, discuss your concern privately with the GMP editor. Airing your grievances here is none of my concern and doesn’t help your cause.

    • I think its very kind of MsQuote to give you a “voice” here.

      Whatever rings your bell Jules, but I personally, respectfully and kindly ask that you keep your slut-shaming all to yourself :) (A diary perhaps?)

      Words like “restraint” “distasteful” and “over-indulgent” are typical tools of abusers.

      Just something to think about.

  5. Great work ladies!

    This bullshit about women being sluts if they enjoy sex is ridiculous. Any man worth his salt will tell you that he wants to please his woman so there is more than a little bit of the old double standard going on here.
    I long for the day when we all realise that sex is a natural, beautiful part of life and not some dirty, depraved act that should only take place behind closed doors in the dark.
    The more we talk, write and have it the better I say

  6. Thank you, Ms. Quote for addressing this issue of having readers personally attack writers for our allegedly bad behaviors and then rejecting the notion that they themselves are behaving badly.

    I commend you for this article and for letting us read Jules’ spam. FYI: He did write to the editors at GMP, and while they may have emailed him privately, publicly they are choosing to ignore him.

    • Not a problem. I’m taking Jules’ last comment as his word that he’ll put an end to trolling, at least on my blog. I really don’t want to address him personally any more.

      :)

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