Great Sex & Relationships

Foreplay: Going Through the Motions

At one time or another, we’ve all had bad sex. I chalk it up to bad foreplay.

“I think it’s because a lot of people go about fingering, blow jobs and cunnilingus like a mechanical thing,” Parrot said to me recently.

I couldn’t agree more.

For us, all aspects of sex are fun.

The moment his face gets between my legs, I know I’m in for the time of my life, because I know going down on me is as much fun for him as it is for me. He gets this “Oh, goodie! Oh, jolly!” look on his face. I start giggling even before his tongue starts flittering on my clit and the petals of my inner labia. Just those first few seconds of having contact with the tip of his tongue is enough to get me slick, and he doesn’t stop there because he wants more.

He also knows that getting me wet almost instantaneously doesn’t mean that he should start jamming and ramming his fingers or his dick inside of me. He really enjoys seeing how wet and how orgasmic he can get me. He gets as much of kick out of how my moans turn into screams and how my hips lift up and the way I thrust my pussy into his face as I do. There’s usually no rush to penetrate because this part of sex is fun, too!

If I get to him first, I take my time caressing and stroking his cock. For me, it’s because his cock feels good and I get enthralled with how it gets harder and firmer with each stroke. I also know that he likes to take his time getting hard because each moment feels comforting. Why rush through this? I also take my time because he’s told me that getting a hand job feels a lot better than masturbating himself. When I give him a blow job, I love savoring his cock. I want him to feel how my tongue, lips and the inside of my mouth are paying attention to each bulging vein and moan.

Do a lot of people have foreplay like this? Not in my experience. Some guys I’ve been with just sit back motionless and emotionless when I’ve gone down on them. A few have even taken a phone call or started watching TV at which point I’ve stopped.

“Hey, why did you stop?” they asked.

“Because what you’re doing is rude,” I said.

What I would have liked to have said was, “You’re not paying attention to me. You’re not showing appreciation. If you want me to express some enthusiasm, you have to show some enthusiasm, too. If you’re just going to sit there, I might as well my sliding my mouth up and down on a link of hard sausage, and I’m not interested in doing that.”

If I’ve been thought of as a bitch for telling a guy he’s rude, I really don’t care. I have no need to spend my time with a guy who doesn’t appreciate and value the woman he’s with.

The same goes for guys who just rub or finger a pussy because that’s all they think that’s all they should have to do to get a vagina primed for intercourse. There’s nothing sexy about going through the motions. It does nothing for me mentally or physically. For me, going through the motions like that is no different than jerking on a pull cord once or twice to start a lawn mower.

For those guys that complain, “Why do I have to all this for her?” you’ve got the wrong attitude. Sex is something you do with someone, not to someone. And women get sexually aroused in a much different way than men. It takes more than just a hard dick to have great sex.

I don’t mean to pick on a few men I’ve been with. I know there are others like them. I’ve heard and read complaints about them from other women.

I’ve never been with another woman, but I know they’re not blame-free of bad sex either. The most common complaint I hear from men is, “She just lays there.” I’ve often heard women complain, “I wish he’d just hurry up and get it over with.” Ladies, if sex feels like a chore, why are you with this guy? Why don’t you speak up and tell your lover what you like or the ways he can turn you on?

Changing your attitude can go a long way in having the great sex you want. So can reading the tips and tricks that are listed in any of the Adult Sex Ed Month links in the menu bar at the top of this page or the Adult Sex Ed page on Facebook.