He Has What it Takes for a Great Relationship. Do You?

A few weeks ago I was telling one of my guy pals, Matthew*, about my last long weekend getaway with my lover. I told him how everything my lover planned was a complete surprise until we got to our destinations … a Segway tour of Oakland … dinner at an outdoor Brazilian street food café followed by a concert by one of our favorite guitarists at the Berkeley Freight and Salvage in Berkeley … a private sailing charter in Monterrey Bay.

It was a rather incomplete list of everything we did during those five days. I certainly didn’t get into the details of the more intimate times we spent together the way I did in my blog post, Surprises, Foreshadowing and The Feast. However, I stopped gushing, beaming and babbling about my trip when he sighed and said: “I wish I had the money to impress a woman like that.”

I felt guilty about running on about my good fortune. It was an admittedly extravagant trip.

Then I told him, “That’s not why I love him. In fact, you have what it takes to be a man just like him.”

I hoped he knew that I meant what I said. Some time ago I told him that I wanted to explore the possibility of being more than friends. He politely let me know that he wasn’t interested. He did it in a way that didn’t interfere with being able to hang out with our large circle of mutual friends or get together once a month or so to brew beer, catch a movie, and have deep discussions about things like food, family and spirituality.

“Look, you’re an attractive man with a beautiful heart,” I told him. “You’re warm and loving with your friends. You give people your full attention and interest when you talk with them. You don’t openly pass judgment and argue with people when they say things that counter your beliefs. You’re creative and talented.”

He stopped to ponder what I had just said. I’m sure he knew by my specific praise that I wasn’t just being nice and blowing smoke up his ass. I knew he was taking inventory of the deep and wonderful but failed relationships that he had with other women in his life. I know that’s been a big obstacle in moving forward with his love life.

“Good relationships have little to do with money,” I continued. “Hell, I’ve never told you about some of the other times I’ve had with Parrot* that were just as impressive. I cherish the times we’ve had like sharing martinis and cigars on my balcony or lingering over breakfast and coffee in my crappy little apartment. When you value times like that, you know it’s love.”

I know the love is a loaded word for a lot of people, but deep down it starts out as and is based on a strong like for each other. “Like” is based on sharing and/or supporting each other’s interests. It’s about making each other smile and laugh. It’s about being there for each other when times are tough. Those are some of the things I treasure about Parrot. Matthew has those things going for him, not just with me, but with others, too.

I know that wanting a relationship isn’t just about impressing a woman with flashy trips for Matthew. It’s also about sex and intimacy. In the past, he was quite the bed hopper. He openly admits that he was cougar bait in his twenties. As much as he enjoyed it then, he says he regrets it now in his forties. He feels as if he’s missed out on what he should have now, like kids and a wife and a house in the suburbs.

I have no idea of what Matthew is like sexually. He’s affectionate; he greets and says goodbye to everyone with a hug. He has an affinity for pin-up art. I know that he’s written erotica although he’s never shared it with me. I didn’t tell him that I suspect that he would be a good lover, too. That would be TMI between friends.

Then I reminded him of something that I heard him tell a group of people a few months ago: “The love of your life can be right in front of you.”

I hope he acts on that belief. He can have his pick of any woman, and he’s totally worthy.

*Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.

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About Bobbie Morgan (1247 Articles)
Bobbie Morgan is the beditor-in-chief of A Good Woman's Dirty Mind. When she's not blogging or having the best sex ever, she's putting out writing and social media services for adult businesses. Use the contact link to reach her by email.

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