Adult Humor

Hell No Kitty!

I will forever associate Hello Kitty with little girls. My “little” sister’s loved it when she was 6 years old — back in 1975. She eventually grew up and out of her Hello Kitty fandom only to have a daughter who became fascinated with it when she was about that age. Then there’s my brother who has three Hello Kitty obsessed daughters who are 5, 7 and 8.

So will someone please explain these Hello Kitty products…

AGWDM hello kitty thong

Guys, you just might want to see a chick’s ID before you hop into bed if she’s wearing these.

AGWDM hello kitty men's underwear

Ladies, you better check his ID, too … and his man card.

AGWDM blow light

The Hello Kitty Santa Blow Light has a hole at the bottom of the device that a man slips his penis into to make deposit after he jacks off. The cum-ical reaction inside the device lights up the sex toy. Merry, Jizzmas, guys!

AGWDM hello kitty hooters

Just because you’re a single, dateless dad doesn’t make Feb. 14 Take Your Daughter to Hooter’s Day.

AGWDM hello-kitty-butt-plug-pink

If you can’t have diamonds on the soles of your shoes, at least you can have Swarovski crystals up your ass.

AGWDM hello kitty vajazzle

If you think your private parts aren’t sparkly enough, vajazzle that pussy … err … I mean kitty.

AGWDM hello-kitty-3d-vibrator

AGWDM hello kitty vibrator

I found not one, but two, Hello Kitty vibrators. One would have been too many.

AGWDM hello kitty flavored condoms

The most effective form of birth control … and oral sex deterrent: Hello Kitty flavored condoms. I can’t imagine most men would be able to maintain an erection at the thought of wearing one of these.

AGWDM hello kitty ball gag

I can’t decide if a ball gag fashioned after a cartoon cat with no mouth is ironic or is just flat-out disturbing.