Adult Sex Ed

How to Avoid Disappointment in Online Sex Dating

Dating, whether or not it’s what you call it, can be a real crapshoot if you’re very particular about the kind of sex life you want. What are the chances that the guy or woman you meet at random in person shares your kink, fetish, or is open to an NSA, FWB or a something on the side arrangement? That can be awkward or a waste of time trying to find out.

Have you tried an adult sex dating site?

Last week I posted an article on How to Score With Adult Dating Sites that covered tips on completing an attractive and honest profile and how to break the ice. However, knowing what kinds of questions to ask someone you’re interested in on a sex dating site can prevent you from wasting your time or being disappointed when you meet in person.

Ask them to be upfront about why they’re on a dating site for sex. Some people are on dating sites for sex just to chat or text and have no intention of meeting anyone in person. There’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t hesitate to ask if you don’t want to waste weeks dealing with someone you’ll never meet.

Ask about testing, STIs, contraception and birth control. These sound like “Duh” questions, but you’d be surprised how often they don’t get asked. I never thought to ask until a guy I met online didn’t tell me he had herpes until after we met in person. I felt really awkward turning him down. I just couldn’t risk my health. On the flip side, a few guys have passed me up because I wasn’t on The Pill. These may seem like awkward things to bring up, but as far as I’m concerned, if you can’t talk about these things with a potential sex partner, you’re not ready to have sex with each other.

Ask the other person where they’d really like to see their adult sex dating experience go. If you’re only looking just to hook up or a FWB, pay caution to someone who’s ultimately looking for a long-term relationship. Not having similar expectations will likely lead to a bad experience down the line for you or the other person. If you’re looking for a long-term relationship but believe that you can sway someone who’s noncommittal, you’ll likely be disappointed.

Ask questions about their non-sexual life and interests. It’s way too easy to get sucked into an all-sex conversation without knowing anything else about that person. If you plan on meeting in person and you find out that the other person is a homebody while you’re a party animal, then what? What if you’re a liberal and the other person is a conservative? Dramatically different beliefs, lifestyles and interests can put a kink you don’t want in an otherwise kinky encounter or relationship. Even if you’re looking for “just sex” doesn’t mean that other things aren’t important. Sex, especially great sex, is more than just interlocking body parts. On the flip side, if someone doesn’t ask you questions about you as a person, they’re likely to be asshole and a lousy sex partner.

Ask for a phone number. Giving someone a cell phone number is really a non-risky move if you’re on the up and up about getting to know or meeting someone. It’s much easier to violate someone’s privacy by doing a Google search than it is with a cell phone number. Plus, if someone is being a pest, it’s easy to block them. For me, it’s been the best bullshit detector to see if someone is really honest about their marital or relationship status. If the other person doesn’t pick up calls or return text messages on evenings and weekends, it’s a safe bet that person’s married … and not likely honest about other things he or she discloses.

AGWDM shagaholic logoThis post was brought to you by Shagaholic. Information and opinions about this topic are genuinely my own.