Really. I’m serious.
OK, I admit that I’m having some fun with this.
National Masturbation Month got its start in San Francisco in 1995 after former U.S. Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders told the audience at the United Nations Worlds AIDS Day in 1994 that masturbation had the potential to discourage early sexual activity. She was also forced to resign for telling the audience that “(Masturbation) is something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught.”
If you plan on celebrating National Masturbation Month, here are handy tips to truly make it a party for one.
For the ladies …
The Three-Way Use a small vibrator while flicking your clit with one hand and teasing my teasing your anus with the other hand.
The Tennis Ball Lie on your stomach and place the ball between your legs and press it against your clitoris. Cross your legs tightly at the ankles. Squeeze your inner thighs together and work the ball in a humping motion so that it is pressing against your clitoris. As you climax, continue to squeeze with your thighs.
String of Pearls Take a long synthetic pearl necklace and string it between the backs of two chairs suspended at crotch height. Step across, position the cord along your vulva and walk backward and forward. Soft rope or cord works well for this, too.
Flo-Rida (Floor Rider) Strip down and lie on the floor face down. Press your pubic bone into the floor as hard as you can and rock your body like you are trying to crawl but don’t work hard enough to actually move from the spot. The flesh on your pubis will be alternately pulled tight and made slack. This transmits to your clitoris through the outer lips and feels great after a minute or two. The extra bonus is that it’s a good exercise for your waist too.
For the men …
The Cold Climax Masturbate as you normally would, but when you feel the sensation of ejaculation coming on, grab hold of some ice cubes or crushed ice with the other hand, then continue masturbating to completion. The feeling of cold in one hand, heat in the other, and the sensation of ejaculating will enhance the experience.
Ring Around the Penis Cover both your hands with lube, and form a ring with your thumb and forefinger. Place it around the base of your penis. Slide the ring up to the base of the glans (where the head starts). Now form a ring with the fingers on your other hand and do the same thing. Keep stroking with one ring at a time until you climax.
The Palm Rubber As soon as you’re erect, place some lube on the inside of one hand. Rather than rub your penis with your hand, keep rubbing the tip of your penis against the palm of your hand until you orgasm.
The Ball Holder The next time you’re masturbating and feel like you’re just about to ejaculate, put your other hand over your scrotum and lightly squeeze and pull it down (or more aggressively, if you like that sort of thing). That way, you get to feel your semen traveling through your body, making its way to the exit.
Screw Your Hand While standing, twist your lubed-up hand (whichever you’re most comfortable using) so that your thumb is against your belly button. Wrap your hand around your penis and rather than stroke with your hand, move your pelvis to pump in and out of your hand. It’ll make you feel like you’re actually penetrating a vagina. Okay, maybe kinda, sorta.