The other night I asked my lover if he had any assumptions of how I’d be in bed before we actually got between the sheets. He simply replied, “We were already friends. I figured the sex part would just work out.”
My assumptions about him were totally different. I fell in love with his humor and his mind. He’s eloquently articulate, has a sharp and subversive wit, and is wickedly smart. He’s patient with me about things I did not know about and really enjoys those teachable moments with me. He’s dangerously wicked flirt.
At the time we were getting to know each other, I had another advantage. I accidentally discovered wrote really beautifully crafted erotica, which got our conversations going both as writers and eventually potential lovers. Even then, I never saw our friendship evolving into anything more than that, but it did. Big time.
I have to admit what turns me on, especially with my lover, may not be the same things that turn other women on, but there are qualities that he possesses and those in the past have that have been excellent indicators..
So can you make a good assumption if a man is truly talented in teasing and titillation?
Listen to the way he talks about food: If a man can fully describe tastes and textures, it means he’s really paying attention to his senses. Can he pick out a number of layers and flavors in a craft beer, or does he just guzzle down a Bud light? Can he pick up a distinctive tang and creaminess in an artisan blue cheese or is he just content with dipping his hot wings in a blue cheese dressing that gets pumped out of a gallon container without a thought?
Does he have an eye for art? An ear for music?: Again, it’s all about the senses. Does he have a painting, photograph or sculpture that sets a tone in his living room? Or does he have a “Scarface” movie poster that hangs above his 50-inch flat screen TV? Does he shake and bang his head to Metallica or can he dissect the distinct time signatures in Dave Brubeck’s “Take Five”? Better yet, how does he follow music – and you – when he dances?
The eyes have it: Does he look you in the eyes when the two of you are talking? Does he hang onto your every word? Is he truly interested in what you have to say? Does he look at you in an admiring way even if you’re not putting it out there or not dressed to the nines? If he’s not paying attention to what you’re saying … or not saying … he won’t be paying attention to you when words aren’t quite as involved. Also, a man who’s good in bed will be able to seduce you just by looking at you by never breaking eye contact.
Those innocent touches: We’re not talking about the sneaky gropes and fondles, especially in public. It’s in the way he’ll hold or touch your hand from across a table while sipping coffee or over a glass of wine. It’s in the way a light goodnight kiss will linger on the lips for barely over a moment … and make the surface just above your skin tingle even after he’s walked back out to his car.
Picking up these cues ahead of time may ward off that awkward moment after things get (less than) intimate.