Great Sex & Relationships

In Defense of Men

Forgive me for not being aware of who Greta Christina was until I read one of her recent blog posts, Why I Probably Won’t Do Porn Again: Sexism and Being a Woman on the Internet. She’s been writing about sex, feminism and atheism for a good 24 years and has a quite a following … of fans and haters.

Greta wrote at length at some of the really ugly and vile comments she’s received from men over the years … comments like “bitch”, “cunt” and “You’re ugly, who cares what you think.”

I was surprised but not surprised. I ran into lots of guys like that several years ago when I dabbled in online dating. Some confuse online dating with porn stars or free hookers on-demand. The more often they get rejected by real women who aren’t the same as women who get paid for acting pretending to enjoy getting mercilessly and savagely fucked, the angrier they get.

But I don’t want to get into man bashing. What I rarely hear and see in off and online are comments about good men … and there are more of them out there than you think.

Ever since I started my blog 10 months ago, I’m taken aback by how many men I’ve heard from who say they enjoy my blog. Many of them refer to themselves as gentleman pervs, and it’s really not a contradiction in terms. (After all, I have a gentleman perv in my life.) We talk about sex much in the same enthusiastic way that I talk about food, beer, politics and culture with my “real life” guy friends. Some are married or otherwise involved. Some are dating or playing the field. Some are kinksters. Some are painfully shy about approaching women. Some are just frustrated that they haven’t found “the one”.

Being educated, cultured and well-mannered doesn’t preclude men from being men. Some might call men like that “femmy” or “whipped”, but guess who those “some” are. I doubt if they’d use those terms on discreetly lascivious policemen, fire fighters, and burly teddy bear types who respect and value women.

Maybe it’s the company I keep, maybe it’s because I’m getting older, or maybe it’s the anonymous and discretionary interaction I’ve had with men that leads me to believe that times are changing in the way that men act, view and project themselves as lovers. I hear from a lot of men who say they enjoy conversation and companionship as much as they enjoy dirty talk and role playing. There are a lot of men who value cuddling and kissing as much as they do getting out a paddle or a good sting on their hands.

We talk a lot about slut shaming, but I think we need to stop chastising sexy men for being polite and in touch with their emotions. It’s part of the human psyche, regardless of gender identification, to crave affection and intimacy. If we accept those needs as human things and women things, I think this world would be a happier place sexually and otherwise.

I kind of get the idea that Ms. Christina is a fiery kind of gal, and I kinda like that about her, but tossing out insults and anger at men who give men a bad name only adds fuel to the flames.