When I was doing the online dating thing on sites like Casual Sex Edinburgh (http://casualsexedinburgh.com) and London Casual Sex (http://londoncasualsex.co.uk), the first thing guys would tell me when I met them in person for the first time was, “I have to confess; I’m nervous.”
I’d smile, chuckle softly, sit back comfortably, and say, “No worries. I’m just a person.”
When I say, “the first thing guys would tell me…” means that it happened often, like more than 90% of the time.
It’s perfectly normal to feel nervous meeting someone from any kind of dating site. It’s like going on a job interview and you have to be on top of your game in so many ways. You hope the person you’re meeting thinks you’re attractive the moment they see you. You want that person to like you. Most importantly, you really hope that person will find you shagworthy.
Those are a lot of snap judgments and expectations to place in someone else’s hands.
First of all, if you’re a guy, congratulate yourself that you came this far. The number of men on casual sex dating sites outnumber women (at least women who aren’t sex workers) anywhere from 3 to 1 or even as much as 30 to 1.
Secondly, build your confidence and manage your expectations by not making such a big deal about your first in-person meeting. Meet in person just for coffee or a drink. Plan for about an hour.
Thirdly, remind yourself that there’s a 50% or greater chance that things will not progress beyond your in-person meeting. Remind yourself that a failure to connect could be as much as your reason as it is the other person’s reason. Giving yourself the perspective that you could take a pass on this person is empowering. It will help boost your confidence. It’s another way of managing your expectations.
Notice that this is the second time that I’ve made the recommendation to manage your expectations … or sexpectations in this case.
Remind yourself that online casual sex dating is not sex on demand. If things go that way, great. If they don’t go that way, don’t take it personally. After all, casual sex dating is all about not taking things too personally. Remind yourself of that, too.
If someone rejects you, keep in mind that their expectations simply might be different from yours. Oftentimes, people may not have realistic expectations about the type of person they want to have sex with or how things should go. All too often, people go into casual sex situations as if they were casting themselves in a porn or erotic book fantasy. Be sure to give yourself a reality check, too.
If you really are out of control horny and must have sex now, be open to making arrangements with a sex worker. No one is obliged to give you a freebie.
To increase your chances of meeting a mutual sex partner, I’ve passed along a ton of great tips in this link and be sure to check out Where Should I Meet Her on a First Date? The 3 Best Locations That Lead to Sex. (http://londoncasualsex.co.uk/where-should-i-meet-her-on-a-first-date-the-3-best-locations-that-lead-to-sex) at London Casual Sex. Knowing what to do will help improve your chances at casual sex dating and take the nervous edge off meeting a potential casual sex partner for the first time.
This post is brought to you by Casual Sex Edinburgh (http://casualsexedinburgh.com) and London Casual Sex (http://londoncasualsex.co.uk). Information and opinions about this topic are genuinely my own.