Great Sex & Relationships

Men Looking for Personal Porn Stars on Craigslist

I don’t know what the women who post and answer ads on my local Craigslist are like, but there seems to be a contingency of men who think they can find the fuck-‘em-and-leave-‘em fuck dolls of choice … men in their forties and fifties looking for women under thirty … white guys looking for black and Asian chicks … dudes looking for threesomes and moresomes … two hundred-plus pound guys looking for slender women because that’s what they prefer.

For fun one night, I posted what I thought was an obvious fake ad that read:

I’m an attractive, fit, slender, educated and professional 41-year-old woman with the T&A of a 30-year-old. Since I have everything I want — money, good job, nice car and a house — I really don’t need much from a man. Just want to hook up whenever you want? Sure. Got a wife or girlfriend you’re bored with? No problem. That’s why women like me are on Craigslist. Just give me a call or a text and I’ll be there whenever it’s convenient for you. Hell, why bother with the going out for dinner and drink thing? It’s just a waste of time and money, right? But if you really want to go out, I’ll be more than happy to split the bill — even if you out-drink me three drinks to one.

If you think I’m good enough for you, get back to me. You don’t have to tell me lots about yourself . . . just your name, how tall you are, how much you weigh, and your hair and eye color. You really don’t have to go out of your way to impress me or differentiate yourself from all the other men on Craigslist; I’ll just assume that you’re a nice guy. If you have a picture of your private parts, I’ll consider that a bonus and will be sure to get back to you before all others.

Within six hours, I got seventy-five replies. Ninety percent of them didn’t get that my ad was a joke. They thought I was totally serious. Nineteen of them actually sent me pictures of their penises.

Most of the replies were the one-line responses like I requested. Some of them provided phone numbers to call or text them. Others wanted me to prove I was real before they revealed anything about themselves.

Some of the best of the best replies included …

Man I was blown away with your words, I’m affraid too ask for a couple of pictures of you? As long as I have been reading all the ads, this one struck a cord in my soul, don’t ask why, but you sound like you know what you want, if you send pics, I will send one too,

*****

Hey MWM 55 in need of a 1st mate on my boat today on Lake St Clair. I’m 6’2″ 215 7c and nicely tanned. With it being 95 today clothing will be optional. Let me know thanks.

*****

Wow are you the perfect example of the “ultimate woman” Lets see here Attractive- Huge bonus, fit, slender educated and professional with T&A of a 30-year old. Damm If that isn’t enough by it’s self! Are you kidding me is there a better definition of the word perfect? My name is Mario. I am 6’2” I weigh 190 lbs, my hair color is silver, eyes brown You really want to see my “private parts” and not my face? Really? Well if you respond back I guess I can take a pic of myself.

*****

Hello there! Attractive white male,43 yrs old,6’1″ tall,weigh about 225 lbs,blue eyes,short dark hair,goatee that gets shaven off completely when the mood hits,I wear trendy glasses too. Great smile and personality with a quick dry sense of humor. I love good conversation and to laugh and can be a lot of fun. Was very intrigued by your ad;I appreciate how it was to the point,and not just droning on and on about hangups you had. Well done. Would like to know more about you before I just send you photos of my package;hopefully you can respect that,and will still consider this response to your ad as a legitimate one. I am willing to send it to you,just give me a little more to go on. Well thanks for taking the time to read this,and I hope to hear back from you soon. Have a good day and take care!

*****

Hi omg your ad is awesome. Will spare you the life story thing and just leave a couple pics. They are from work and they suck. I clean up nice promise **

What cracked me up most were the guys who complain about getting bombarded with porn spam when they reply to ads like this guy:

Hey u sound to good to be true cause i would love to meet some one like im about 5/10 or so i have blue eyes drown hair im 41 years old i do have a wife but we r not living together rite now i have and ok package i think i could be wrong but no one has ever told me other wise lol but how do i know ur not a bot todays date is ??

For crying out loud. What did these guys expect?

I often wonder if the accessibility to porn has a lot to do with what a growing number of men think is OK in the way they approach and treat women. I get that porn and fantasy is an incredible turn-on, but it seems as if most men don’t know where to draw the line. But there are those who do. If only they could teach these horny ‘net geeks some lessons.

For those of you who are familiar with the kind of woman I am through my stories and my blog, yes, I’m a pretty sexually-evolved woman, but it doesn’t mean I’m putting it out there in my day-to-day life for any guy who comes along. The relationship I have with the man in my life came as a result of a deep friendship, a deeper mutual admiration for each other, and not to mention trust and respect. I’m sure I’m no different than some, but not many other women out there.

After about six hours of getting bombarded with douchebaggery, I was no longer amused by the replies. I was repulsed and sickened by them. I was about to pull the ad. Thankfully, someone beat me to it by flagging my ad to be removed.