Ask the Sexpert

Ms. Q & A: Advice for Getting Your Cock Sucked

Dear Readers,

The following is a letter that I did not receive, but was asked and answered by the woman I only know as @offgothepanties in her Q&A blog post,The Easy and the Hard Way: Advice for Getting Your Cock Sucked. While I admire the advice she gave and how she gave it, I couldn’t help but give this guy my $0.02.

Dear Panty Parade:

As a married man whose wife won’t suck cock, what is the best way to use something like Craigslist to find a random blow job? I’ve tried replying to people before, but they usually end up as nothing, a hooker, or just spam.

The last time my cock was in someone’s mouth was 2009, so I’m trying to fix that with some random person.

Thanks!

Dear Bone Head,

So you’re a married man who’s going to solve his problem on Craigslist? Bwahahaha! You’re no different than the other 90% of men on Craigslist who think that the site is nothing but free hookers for the taking and get offended when an actual sex worker (which, by the way, is the polite, proper and PC term for “hooker”) offers her services. Your approach and the thoughts behind it gives me a lot of insight on why your wife hasn’t sucked your dick in four years.

But in my effort to be nice and respectful to you, unless your wife has some really weird hang-ups about oral sex that you should have been aware of before you got married, I suggest that you start working on repairing yourself and/or your relationship. I can’t think of a single happily married or involved woman who wouldn’t give her husband or significant other a blow job. Aversions to swallowing or facials, yes. But blow jobs? Uh uh, unless you’ve been a real jackass of a husband.

But let’s say that you really are a great guy and you’ve given couples or sex counseling more than a fair shot. Hooking up with some “random” person as you put it is a solution or a type of person that really isn’t out there. Even all you want is a blow job, there has to be some kind of quid pro quo — I want something from you, I’ll do something for you. It’s a fair expectation, especially if you don’t think that you want to or should have to pay for sex. There are plenty of women out there who want something that they’re not getting from their husbands. I would start with those women first. If you are a really great guy, it could be the start of a really beautiful friendship or arrangement, and one that you can count on if you play it cool and don’t get caught. After all, you’ll both have the expectation that things will only go so far with a specific purpose in mind and that you’ll both have an element of trust, namely secrecy. (Keep in mind that the odds are high that you will eventually get caught.)

And what is wrong with paying for sex? More men do that than you realize. I realize that there’s a stigma, especially in the US, about men who “have” to pay for sex. Get the fuck over it. You’re getting what you want and no one has to know about it except you and the woman you hire.

Regardless of which solution you choose, I recommend that you drastically change your attitude toward and treatment of women whether it’s your wife, a mistress or a sex worker. Chances are that you’ll have a much easier time getting your oral sex needs met and get them met more often.

Ms. Q

Oct. 27, 2013: Update: I’m happy to find out that “Bone Head” has gotten back to @offgothepanties and has given her an update on how he and his wife are dealing with this issue. I wish them the best of luck. You can read the update here.

Got a question for me? Email me at msquote2(at)hotmail(dot)com.