Adult Sex Ed

Ms. Q & A: Do I Really Need Lube?

Dear Ms. Q,

For the first time since my divorce three years ago I had sex. It was all fun and games until he said, “You need lube.”

It really killed the mood. I was so embarrassed. I’m in my early 30’s so it’s not as if menopause has dried me out and I wouldn’t consider myself a frigid woman. Is there something wrong with me or is it because I’m out of practice?

Lubeless Lucy

Dear Luby,

I highly doubt if there’s anything wrong with you, and I can relate to your misgivings about lube.

For years I believed those old wives tales about frigid and menopausal women needing lube. There were times when I’ve been told, “You need lube,” too. I heard it from partners who were really trying to prime my pump and I heard it from inconsiderate sex partners who either just wanted to get down to business and expected me to be automatically porn star ready. In either case, that “You need” message really made me feel inadequate.

I’ve usually never had a hard time getting wet, but it wasn’t until I bought a new vibrator last year that I came to love lube. The saleswoman at my local sex toy shop recommended that I get some lube for comfort and safety when playing with my new toy.

It made quite a difference, as in, “Wow! What a difference!” … especially when I got to use it with my lover. It was like the difference between jumping into a pool and going down a twisty 25-foot-tall water slide.

Personally, I like the water-based liquid lubes. I’ve found the generic/store brands work just as well as the name brands you find in the health and beauty section of your local mega mart or drug store.

I wish I could be a better source on which lubes are best for you, but I would suggest that you read The Redhead Bedhead’s post, The One Where I Talk About Lube a Whole Lot, for recommendations on which lube may be right for you.

If you’re overwhelmed by the choices or want to have some fun experimenting to find out which one is right for you, a lot of the sex toy and condom websites offer sample packs. And keep in mind that certain condoms and sex toys may require specific types of lubes.

Whatever you do, don’t use substitutes like baby oil, olive oil or saliva. Those kinds of things can bring on nasty vaginal infections.

Usually only a drop or two of lube is enough to get you started. I can almost guaranteed that a little lube job is all your boyfriend or BOB (battery operated boyfriend) need to get revved up for some heavy-duty piston action. Make sure not to use too much. Slippage is a result of too much of a good thing.

Trust me, you’re not alone in not always being wet and ready. A study by the Indiana University Center for Sexual Health found that one-third of young women experience vaginal dryness.

As for the reasons you’re not producing enough of your natural lubricant could be that your body is dehydrated, especially if you haven’t had enough water or have been drinking alcohol. Decongestants and low estrogen birth control pills can have dehydrating effects, too. Stress can be a factor. So can where you are in your menstrual cycle.

Aside from amping up your sex life, a little lube can go a long way in preventing soreness or infections.

I hope those are enough reasons for you to start loving yourself … and lube!

Ms. Q

Got a question for me? Email me at msquote2(at)hotmail(dot)com.