Ask the Sexpert

Ms. Q & A: Do I Set Up Unrealistic Expectations for Sex?

Dear Ms. Q,

I just got done reading your article, Ms. Q & A: He Has a Hard Time Coming & Staying Hard With Her.Sometimes I feel that you’re no different than any other blogger or magazine that covers articles about sex. You focus an awful lot about things like how to have the best orgasm, the best cum shot, how to orgasm. I’m a guy in my 40s and I just can’t always get hard on demand or perform every time I or my wife wants me to. Often times it’s the closeness, touching and intimacy that I really enjoy with my wife. Don’t you realize that most people aren’t Olympic-level performers when it comes to sex? Don’t you feel that you set up unrealistic expectations for people when it comes to sex?

(Dis)Satisfied Don

Dear Don,

I see your point and perhaps I gloat a little bit too much when it comes to the relationship and sex life that I have with the man in my life. I also hope that somewhere, even if it’s between the lines in my writing you get the message that what I enjoy about sex are the same things that you do. At this time of my life, I feel like I’m the luckiest woman in the world.

Does great sex mean being a sexual Olympian? Not necessarily. It’s one of the reasons why I rage on porn from time to time. I think porn sets up some unrealistic expectations about what sex is all about. I hear the same arguments about erotica, but I really hope that most people know they’re reading fiction and fantasy … at least most readers I correspond with know that. However, a lot of people who are dissatisfied with their sex lives don’t think to ask, find the information, or talk to their partners about how to make their sex lives better.

The thrills and happiness of sex are different for everyone. Some people are always looking to try something new, more exciting, or kinkier and that’s perfectly OK. Others, like you, are very happy with their sex lives … and that’s a thrill and happiness that I’m happy to share with others.

I wish you and your wife many more years of a wonderful marriage and wonderful sex.

Ms. Q

Got a question for me? Email me at msquote2(at)hotmail(dot)com.