Ask the Sexpert

Ms. Q & A: Does a Small Penis Make a Man Less of a Man?

Dear Ms. Q,

I’m single for the first time in 17 years and haven’t even begun dating yet. It’s not that I don’t want to date or have a woman in my life, but I really don’t want to go through the humiliation of having a woman find out that I have a small penis. It’s just less than five inches long when it’s hard. I have no problem getting hard, staying hard or coming, but it never seemed to be enough for my ex-wife. She complained that she couldn’t orgasm because I was too small, not to mention all of the times she told me that I try some kind of pill, pump, or even surgery to make it bigger.

Is having a big dick that big of a deal for woman? I don’t know how many times I’ve heard women make fun of men with small penises. Some women say it isn’t, but are they saying that just to be kind?

Mr. Johnson Jr.

Dear Mr. Johnson,

“Just” to be kind? Don’t you want a woman who is kind?

I’ll make a pretty big assumption that those women who say that the size of a man’s cock isn’t all that important find other things more appealing in a man … chemistry, friendship, kindness, affection and attentiveness. As for the small penis jokes, they’re more about a man’s inability to value a woman or act like a gentleman before he sheds his clothes.

After 17 years, it sounds as if your ex-wife has done a number on something that’s even more important than a big, or even average sized, penis: your confidence. I’m sure that her inability to orgasm didn’t completely have much to do with the size of your penis as it did her expectations or her willingness to try something different than just to lay there and just get fucked. For some people, it’s easier to blame someone else for their shortcomings than to work on what they aren’t bringing to the table, or in this case, the bed. Do you really want this kind of person again?

I know I spend a lot of time proselytizing the value of communication and relationships, but in the end, they’re what ultimately lead to great sex. They’re what break down the barriers of vulnerabilities and inhibitions whether they mental, emotional or physical. After all, when it’s all said and done, it’s not just a physical release that makes people happy.

As far as I’m concerned, if a penis works the way it should, there’s nothing wrong with it. I know this might mean little to you since you don’t know me personally or are considering hooking up with me, but from my own life experiences and having countless conversations with other women about what makes men great lovers and partners, I can safely say that everything I’ve said is true. Plus, there’s no pill or cream that will make a man’s penis larger. Surgery is not without its risks. It’s usually reserved for erectile dysfunction problems after pills and pumps fail to make any improvements.

When you get to that point when you are ready to get intimate – physically and otherwise — with a woman, there are tricks and positions that can make sex satisfying for both you and your partner.

Doggie style is a great way to make even the smallest penis feel quite large. Position her in a way that she’s able to comfortably place her head and shoulders on the pillow, while having her bottom raised in the air. To help create the most effective angle, her back should be arched and her thighs should be drawn together. Lean forward during penetration and maintain as much physical contact as you can comfortably manage. This will keep things intimate, enabling her to reach her sexual peak as quickly as possible.

The antelope is a variation of doggie style. Both of you should kneel on the floor leaning over your couch or equivalent furniture. Open her legs from behind and enter. This position is especially great as her hands are free to self-stimulate if she chooses.

The snake also creates a big impact. Have her lie flat on a pillow with her belly beneath her hips until her bottom arches upward with her legs closed. Keep your knees bent while straddling her hips while maintaining an upright position and place your genitals just behind her bottom. Gently spread her thighs just enough to allow penetration and slide your way in. Take care to keep your weight off her body during intercourse. If you feel the need to brace yourself against something, bend forward until you’re able to touch the bed — it won’t detract much from the position. If you really want a tight fit, hold her thighs together as you penetrate her.

There’s also the deep stick (in keeping with the animal theme, some people call it the bunny ears). Lay your woman down on her back, spread her thighs and draw her legs up until her knees are close to her ears. Slip a pillow under her bottom, as this will place her vagina at the optimal angle for penetration. When you penetrate her, it will feel as though you’re filling her vagina completely. If it gets difficult or tiresome for her to hold her legs in that position, place your arms in the crook of her knees before you brace your hands on the bed.

Another on-her-back position is the V-formation. When she’s lying flat on her back, move between her thighs and enter her as you normally would from a kneeling position. Next, raise her legs and grasp either one around the ankle. Elevate her legs entirely and then spread them apart until they form a “V.” You may want to gain leverage by bracing your palms against the wall or a headboard. To do this without changing the position, simply drape her legs over your shoulders. This position will give you an excellent opportunity to tease her clitoris if you free one of your hands by resting one of her legs on your shoulder and stimulate her clit until she orgasms.

Also, keep in mind that intercourse isn’t the end-all and be-all of sex. Foreplay – touching, licking, sucking, biting and scratching – are all part of sex. So are things like flirting, teasing and role playing.

Ms. Q

Got a question for me? Email me at msquote2(at)hotmail(dot)com.