Ms. Q & A: How to Tell if He’s a Kinky Gentleman

Dear Ms. Q,

I recently met a fantastic guy I’ve gotten to know slowly over the past few months through mutual friends. He’s smart, he’s funny, and most of all, a gentleman. I’ve only seen him socially a few times in group settings, but lately we’ve been corresponding a lot more over Facebook and phone calls. He’s made a few hints about going out for a dinner or a concert sometime, but I’ve been putting him off.

I consider myself to be a very sexually evolved person. I’m very much a submissive. I like to push limits with things like exhibitionism and voyeurism. Given the chance, I’d love to know what it’s like to be with a woman. However, I’ve never been able to explore those things with my ex-husband and ex-fiancé. Neither one of them were interested in taking things too far in the bedroom. I don’t want to make that mistake again. There have also been times in the past when a man has gotten an inkling that I love sex, the interest in me shifts from lady to booty call whore. I don’t want that either.

Before I get too emotionally invested in this man, how do I find out if we’re on the same sexual wavelength without wasting my time or his?

On the Fence

Dear Fence Sitter,

Go out and have fun! Not all first dates lead to romance, relationships and sex. You already said he’s a nice guy and that you’ve had some great conversations. What’s wrong if it’s only that? The best relationships I’ve had always started out with guys who were “just friends” who I shared other interests with besides sex and the chemistry smacked me in the face (or rather, on my ass) later.

However, I’m getting the feeling that you see potential for more with this guy. If a couple of dates progress well, the subjects of past relationships, sex, sexual histories and sexual preferences will come up. There’s a chance that he hasn’t seen the need or feels comfortable enough around you to disclose his own predilections. Just because a man is a gentleman doesn’t mean that he can’t have a kinky side. After all, it sounds as if you keep this information on a need-to-know basis, too.

You may want to bring up the topic of sex indirectly through a conversation about a book or a movie or something topical in the news. If he’s the great conversationalist you say he is, measure the enthusiasm or knowledge in his response. If it’s something he doesn’t share your views on, you can always back away with “the chemistry just wasn’t there” as a backup if he wants to know why you won’t see him again.

There’s always a chance that he could be very open to or teachable about trying new things. You can tell if a man is like this in his attitudes about food, books and travel. The sexually adventurous people I know tend to have a thirst for knowledge and discovery about many things.

Then again, you sound like a very versatile woman. You may find a different kind of sexual attraction about this man you that haven’t yet explored or experienced.

If it turns out that he’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing or a fuck ‘em and leave ‘em type, you can always walk away. Those types are usually in a big hurry to get a woman in bed. They aren’t known for being patient like this guy seems to be, at least that’s not what I’m picking up about the way he’s pursuing you.

If he’s the gentleman you say he is, and this just turns out to be a one- or two-time deal, I’m sure he’ll consider his your private life to be off limits to curious friends. I’m sure the two of you can be polite and comfortable enough with each other when you see each other in shared company in the future.

Ms. Q

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About Bobbie Morgan (1247 Articles)
Bobbie Morgan is the beditor-in-chief of A Good Woman's Dirty Mind. When she's not blogging or having the best sex ever, she's putting out writing and social media services for adult businesses. Use the contact link to reach her by email.

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