Ask the Sexpert

Ms. Q & A: I’d Love to See My Lady in Lingerie

Dear Ms. Q,

I’m seeing a great girl. She’s smart, cute, and a whole lot of fun in bed. However, I have one complaint: she knows I have a thing for sexy lingerie, stockings and heels. I’d love to see her dressed like this more often, but she only wears these things on special occasions. It’s always one excuse or another with her … “I didn’t have time to do laundry,” “I went shopping, but couldn’t find anything,” “I’m short on cash; I had other things to buy and bills to pay.” Is this really too much to ask of her?

Lingerie Lover

Dear Lover Boy,

Is seeing your lover dressed like a lingerie or erotic model too much to ask for? Yes and no.

From what I can pick up from your letter, I can kind of understand her excuses. You just can’t throw delicates in the washer and dryer like men can with T-shirts and Fruit of the Looms; they have to be hand washed. And if she’s anything like me, I hate wearing the same few things over and over again. It gets old and doesn’t feel special or sexy after the first couple of times.

She could have other objections that she’s masking behind her excuses. She could feel objectified dressing up like a vampy vixen. Maybe she just wants to have the comfort and support (especially with bras) that comes with more utilitarian underwear. Perhaps she’s playing some kind of passive-aggressive move, especially if you complain, beg or nag about it often. Open up the lines of communication with her in a non-complaining and non-demanding way to find out what her real objections are. Maybe it’s something you can help her overcome. Instead of demanding that she dress a certain way, compliment her on how she looks when she does dress up for you. Tell her you appreciate it. Tell her why it turns you on.

Also, looking that fantastic for all of 30 seconds doesn’t come cheap. Here’s what I priced out for such an ensemble at Victoria’s Secret:

Bra: $60
Panties: $14
Garter belt: $30
Stockings: $16
Fuck me pumps: $90
Total: $210

If this is something you really want from her, consider making an investment in getting what you want. Surprise her with a gift of sexy lingerie. Take her on a shopping date and buy some things you’d like to see her wear.

Ms. Q