Ask the Sexpert

Ms. Q & A: Is He a Dirty (Old?) Man or is She a Clean Freak?

AGWDM clean up or youre outDear Ms. Q,

I met a really cool guy at a mutual friend’s wedding about a month and a half ago. We kept in touch on Facebook for a few weeks, and then went out a few times.

We talked about things getting sexual. It seemed like the right thing to do. I even masturbated at the thought of what it would be like being with him a few times, even when we were talking on the phone. He invited me to his place after we went out the other night.

It was gross. It smelled like he hadn’t taken out the garbage in days. Stuff was piled up all over the place. His sink was full of dishes because his dishwasher was broken. I don’t think he had ever cleaned the windows. It was a dirty, filthy, scummy mess. I couldn’t get myself to sit on his living room furniture let alone get into his bed. I like my sex dirty, but I like my sheets clean. Know what I mean?

I faked getting sick on “something I must have ate” as an excuse to go home. I’ve been avoiding his phone calls, texts and Facebook messages. He’s asking if I’m OK and asked a few times if I bailed because he took things too fast. I feel like a cowardly shitbag for avoiding him. He’s a nice enough guy, good looking, dresses sharp, and looks clean, but after seeing his house, I wonder. I feel like I should say something, but should I tell him the truth? And how do I explain what happened to our mutual friend? I’m sure he’s going to ask.

Clean Carrie

Dear Carrie,

Sounds like he’s asking everything but the obvious. Either he’s oblivious to filth or you’re a clean freak. Either way, how he lives was a deal breaker for you. You should tell him. No one likes being dumped out of the blue for no apparent reason. It’s cruel. It’s crueler than telling the truth.

It sounds as if you like this guy well enough to be kind about what you have to say, and if you are a clean freak, that’s something he should know about you. That might be a deal breaker for him.

As far as your mutual friend is concerned, just say that things didn’t click for you. It’s really none of his (or her) business and there’s nothing to be gained by putting his buddy in a bad light.

Ms. Q

Got a question for me? Email me at msquote2(at)hotmail(dot)com.