Adult Sex Ed

Ms. Q & A: My Wife is Afraid to Gush

Dear Ms. Quote:

I read your article about gushing and loved it. I wish my wife enjoyed it. I made her gush once, and she was horrified and embarrassed. She thought she peed, and I assured her she didn’t. She didn’t believe me. It’s gotten to a point when she feels like she’s going to gush, she shuts down and says, “I can’t do this.” This has really put a put a damper on our sex life. What can I do to make her more comfortable with gushing and sex?

All Dried Up

Dear Dried:

I hope you shared that article and will share my response to you with her.

Fears about peeing during sex are common the first time this happens to women, especially when it’s a huge gush of fluid. It’s clear, watery, hot, but it doesn’t have a smell. In the heat of passion, it may be hard for a woman to determine that it doesn’t come from the urethra but from the vagina.

I remember the first time I gushed. I was horrified, but my lover had this look of amazement on his face. He reveled in it and told me how hot and rare it was.

I would suggest that you reassure and tell her how hot gushing is for you. Tell her it’s something most women can’t do and most men can’t do for a woman. Tell her how it feels for you. Don’t tell her when you’re in the middle of sex, but at a time when you can have a conversation about it. Talking about sex when you’re not having sex helps build the ability to be open, spontaneous and uncensored in the bedroom. Do it in a way that you’re not going to get upset or angry with her questions, answers and comments. If she refuses to talk about it, ask her why and be sincere about hearing her out. If you can’t get the conversation going, put it away for another time – not immediately or the next day. Pestering her about it will only push her away, create resentment, and hold her back from having the kind of unbelievable sex the both of you should be enjoying and having. After all, gushing is proof that the two you are doing it more than right.

Some women deliberately hold back because they don’t want a huge mess to clean up. Big deal. Sheets and mattress pads can be washed. Mattresses can be cleaned with soap and water. People can be showered , preferably together. If you or she is really skittish about drenching the bed, lay a thick bath sheet on the mattress just in case. You can get a waterproof mattress pad, but I haven’t found one that’s comfortable to sleep on or doesn’t have a crunchy sound to it.

Got a question for me? Email me at msquote2(at)hotmail(dot)com.