Ask the Sexpert

Ms. Q & A: My Wife Won’t Lick My Ass

Dear Ms. Quote:

I love analingus. I love it more than intercourse. However, my wife wants absolutely nothing to do with it. I keep telling her how good it feels, but she’s refused to the point where she doesn’t even want to have sex with me. Any advice?

Kiss My Ass

Dear Kissable One:

I have to admit anal sex is not my favorite thing in the world, I know it’s pleasurable. I know it amps up sensations and orgasms, but I can’t get past the fact that I know what comes out of that end. And as far as analingus (or rimming) is concerned, it’s one of those places I won’t go, but I won’t let that dictate my advice. Instead, I’ll defer to Jack Morin, Ph.D., author of Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women and Couples, which is considered to be the Bible for anal sex enthusiasts. Even he is skittish about advocating analingus.

” … the anus and rectum carry many diseases that live quite benignly in your lower digestive tract, but which can be harmful in your mouth or stomach. Performing analingus is a very risky behavior for a variety of bacterial infections.”

Is or would your wife be open to other forms of anal sex? If not, Morin’s book provides a lot of good information about anal sex techniques, hygiene and safety precautions. It might be a good book to share with her when you can have an open, candid, and non-pressured discussion. Don’t have this discussion when you’re between the sheets ; have it when you have time to talk (maybe over her favorite adult beverage). Make it a point to not get upset or angry with her questions, answers and comments.

However, I would suggest holding off on having this conversation for a while. If you say it’s gotten to a point that your wife is pulling away from intimacy, it’s probably because you’ve pestered her about the topic of analingus and that you haven’t respected that this is a hard limit for her. Instead, focus on some of the other things you enjoy about sex and being with your wife. You may surprise yourself and find a new obsession the both of you can enjoy.

Got a question for me? Email me at msquote2(at)hotmail(dot)com.