Dear Ms. Q,
We’ve been married for two years. Things have gotten pretty routine. We come home from work, eat dinner, wash dishes, watch TV, and if he’s totally not zoned out, he’ll come on to me the same way he always has. He’ll snuggle up close to me as an “excuse” to put his hand up my shirt. We go up to the bedroom and it’s the same sex like the last time. He goes down on me, I go down on him, we fuck (missionary position), he comes, and he falls asleep. It’s gotten to the point that I don’t want to have sex with him.
I wish he’d do something different to make things more fun and romantic. Any suggestions?
Why don’t you do something different?
I can understand why you’re not in the mood, but it takes two of you to have sex, and there’s no reason why your husband always has to be the one to always initiate it. Most men say they love when a woman initiates sex. It takes them by surprise. It makes them feel wanted.
First of all, you have to find some ways to get yourself back in the mood. Engage in some retail therapy. A new frilly pair of panties always makes me feel sexier and more empowered, and your husband will probably notice them, too. Go to the spa and get a body treatment. A good exfoliation and moisturizer will want you want to be touched. (If you can’t afford the spa thing, get some products at the mall or the health and beauty aisle at the drug store or supermarket.) Instead of watching the same old stuff on TV, slip a sexy movie or some porn in the DVD player. The both of you might find some new ways to connect both emotionally and physically … and no one says you have to watch the movie all the way to the end in one sitting. It might even give the both of you some role playing ideas … with or without the lights and cameras.
If you’re not happy with the bedroom routine, find some new foreplay ideas that you’d like to try. He might just enjoy a new way of getting a hand job or a blow job. And don’t be afraid to tell him what you want, too. A little dirty talk can go a long way in spicing and changing things up.
Find a new position that you haven’t gotten yourselves into. Maybe it’s the scissors or the “sexy rocking chair”. And did you know there’s more than one way of doing it doggie style? If you’re really inspired to take the lead in changing things in the bedroom, get on top … or be the top. If you wind up getting twisted and falling over each other in new positions, there can always be fun in making things work by improvising.
It might take an extra push to break your routine with enthusiasm, but the first attempt will likely lead to the both of you talking about and wanting to try new things … and looking forward to and enjoying sex again.
Got a question for me? Email me at msquote2(at)hotmail(dot)com.