Ask the Sexpert

Ms. Q & A: She’s Too Tired for Sex

Dear Ms. Q,

I’m married and a mom of three kids. Each of them are in three different schools and have different after-school sports/activities/tutoring. I’m taking two classes toward my MBA and am working full-time. And like most moms, I do 90% of the cooking and cleaning around the house.

My husband is a big help, but every once in a while he’ll bring up how we hardly have sex. He doesn’t complain, we don’t fight about it, but he has every right to bring it up. However, at the end of the day, I’m exhausted. How do I get him to understand?

Too-Tired Tammy

Dear Tammy,

You do 90% of the cooking and you say he’s a big help. I’m trying to understand your math. If he’s healthy enough to have sex, he’s healthy enough to help out more. Also, you have kids old enough to help. What do they do? I know it feels better to do things yourself than have to ask someone to empty the dishwasher or take out the trash every time it needs to be done, but resist the urge. I’m also willing to bet that each of your kids is involved in about two or three sports or after-school activities. (Can you pare it down to one?) You probably also drive them to and from each lesson or practice. Arrange a car pool schedule with some of the other parents. Introduce your kids to a nifty invention called a bike.

You and your family obviously have a lot on your plates, but sex, intimacy and together time are priorities, too. As un-romantic and un-spontaneous as it may sound, you need to schedule that time. Plan a date night once a week. Plan something special ahead of time, whether it’s a surprise or something you plan together. Talk about and send texts and emails during the week about what you’re looking forward to doing. It’s a great way to turn a “have-to” into an “I-can’t-wait-to.” It also takes sex out of that block of time that you schedule into something you can carry into your relationship during the week.

By making time for sex, you’ll be sure to get plenty of endorphins that will help kick that tired feeling. Plus, there’s nothing like great sex to make you feel happy and empowered.

I have no doubt that with your improved mood and by reigniting your sex life that you’ll more than likely find more time to have sex, even if it’s just a quickie in the morning or in the shower.

Ms. Q

Got a question for me? Email me at msquote2(at)hotmail(dot)com.