No, My Name’s not Hester Prynne

AGWDM no my name's not hester prynneSince I published my post on Loving a Married Man, I knew that I was taking a big risk on making that big reveal or not making it sooner.

Actually, I was quite taken with the many supportive comments that I received. But I also got some feedback from some people who were quick to pin a scarlet “A” on me.

I don’t mean to sound defensive. I take responsibility for what I do. I own it. All I have to say is this…

We don’t always fall in love with people who come in perfect packaging, but what’s in that package can be such an incredible gift.

What’s all this pressure on men to take the big step to move in with a woman, propose with a big ring, and throw an elaborate wedding in order to prove their love to a woman? Sounds like claim, stake and ownership to me. Isn’t that something that two people should mutually want? What he does for me and what we do for each other goes way beyond conspicuous symbolism.

Falling in love is a risk. I’m tired of people telling me that I’m foolish because he’ll never leave his wife for me. I know that and I’m perfectly okay with that. It’s funny that no one has said that I could very well leave Parrot for a single man who lives closer. He’s aware of that risk. But over the past several years, even before he and I reunited, I haven’t met a man who has won me over in that way, let alone seriously tried.

I did not take Parrot away from his wife; she left the door open. No one has the right to hold sex and intimacy of marriage hostage and expect and demand that their partner be celibately faithful. That’s just unreasonable. (For the record, they had that conversation.)

If Parrot’s wife decides that she wants to give of herself sexually and intimately in their marriage, I will gladly step aside. I love him enough to want him to have a happy and fulfilling marriage. I have told him this and he’s fully aware.

Fair question: “If he lies to his wife, don’t you think he lies to you?”
My answer: In over 3½ years, that hasn’t happened. Also, if she actually paid attention to him or took an interest in the things he does, she would have figured out that something wasn’t right a long time ago.

Frankly, I don’t get why Parrot’s wife doesn’t find him sexy, romantic and downright charming. I think most women would do anything to have a man like him, let alone want the kind of sex we have.

It is not my purpose in life to please and win the respect of people I don’t know. If I do that, great; I’m gratified and appreciative. If you don’t like what you read and who I am, stop reading and don’t come back to tell me how I need to change my ways to make you happy.

Who is Hester Prynne? It’s never too late to read The Scarlet Letter. I read it the first time in an American Literature class in college. The instructor who taught the class focused his syllabus on the puritanical myth. It was a life changing book and class.

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About Bobbie Morgan (1247 Articles)
Bobbie Morgan is the beditor-in-chief of A Good Woman's Dirty Mind. When she's not blogging or having the best sex ever, she's putting out writing and social media services for adult businesses. Use the contact link to reach her by email.

5 Comments on No, My Name’s not Hester Prynne

  1. It’s hard to see, let alone accept, that marriage is not the be-all end-all of good, healthy love and relationships. And that makes it hard for people to swallow the idea that sometimes an “adulterer” could find something genuine, and healthy, outside the sacred boundary of marriage. If I’m to be outright honest, I can’t exactly decide “how I feel” about what you’ve admitted, Bobbie…but I’m comfortable with that because honestly, as an outside party I’m not really in a position to have an opinion. I hope that makes sense, and I hope other readers can understand. I’ve seen the comments left by some who use this space to shame you, and I find it incredibly rude and inappropriate. The only people qualified or called upon to give any opinions on the matter are those who are actually involved: you, him, and his wife. Anybody else…well, you shared a very intimate part of your life but that doesn’t give readers license to take a personal stance in your business. Again… I hope I’m making sense.

    In any case, as much as societal and cultural morality has trained us to hate adulterers and label them with harsh judgment, we’ve all fallen in love with some story or another, at some time, about soulmates coming together in spite of another relationship in the picture. It’s narrow-minded to imagine that whatever your relationship is, it needs to fall into another person’s expectations or boundaries. So whatever you and Parrot have together, my only concern is that it satisfies you. Apparently it does. And that’s perfectly fine.

    On another note, I’m rooting for you to get the support you need to keep the blog going. I wish I could support you monetarily myself, but unfortunately all I can do at the moment is share your post with others. I really hope you get enough funding…I’ll be keeping my eye out!

    • You are perfectly entitled to have an opinion. However, having been in a sexless marriage myself (along with some other crazy fucked-upness that went with it), I can understand what people like Parrot go through.

      My preference and suggestion for anyone going through a strained relationship is to try to work things out. Talk it out, even if it takes bringing in a counselor or therapist, before things hit the crisis point of divorce. All too often, people don’t see sex and intimacy as life priority, so they don’t bother to fix or address it. In a lot of cases, it comes to a breaking point that destroys not only marriages but relationships with kids, grandkids, other family members and friends. But when one spouse tries and the other doesn’t, I think it’s disingenuous to point shame and blame at the one who strays and to consider the one holding back as the victim.

  2. No one can understand what really goes on in a relationship – marriage or otherwise. I caution submissives against hooking up with a married man, but only because the people I’m talking to are often looking for something very specific – something that’s hard to get from someone who’s committed to someone else, even in name only.

    That being said, since I don’t want anyone telling me what I should do in the middle of my relationship, the last thing I would do is tell someone what I think they should be doing – especially when we can never know all the details. Only you and Parrot can decide what works best for you and what you really want and need.

    • Kayla, I think it’s wise that you caution submissives against hooking up with a married man. A lot of people can hook up with people who aren’t their spouses with a certain level of emotional detachment, but others are looking for an emotional attachment whether they’re vanilla or kinky. Even if you tell yourself or tell each other, “It’s just sex,” deep down you really are trying to fulfill some kind of emotional void.

  3. You’re obviously an intelligent and thoughtful woman, but when one is in rationalization mode even the simplest of logical flaws are overlooked. You say in your article, “Fair question: “If he lies to his wife, don’t you think he lies to you?” My answer: In over 3½ years, that hasn’t happened.”

    Hasn’t it dawned on you that Parrot’s wife would say exactly the same thing??

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