Over 50 Shades of Gray – What Makes Older Men Sexy

AGWDM over 50 shades of grayI’ve always been one of those people others seek to confide in, especially men.

As much as we see men as being strong and virile, they have their self-doubts, especially when it comes to their sexuality. When many of them hit 45-50 years old, they start doubting their attractiveness. They’ve gained weight or have gotten a bit jowly in the face. They’re going gray or are losing their hair. One male friend of mine was convinced that a woman would never want to have sex with him after he had open-heart surgery. “What woman would want to see that scar down the middle of my chest?” And when it comes to sexual performance, there are some who have resistance taking the little blue pill or using sexual enhancement products like penis pumps or cock rings.

Guess what, guys? Those things don’t even come on the list of things of things women find sexy in men over 50.

Photo of one of my favorite regular readers. He's 83.

Photo of one of my favorite regular readers. He’s 83.

Bonnie Gayle, 50, founder of Sex Butter – My man is 53. What I find sexy about a man over 50 is his confidence, that older men are usually better lovers because they are more focused on the woman’s pleasure, and they are not always rushing into lovemaking. I met my man a little over a year and a half ago and I found him to be extremely appreciative, upbeat, outgoing, charismatic, and comfortable in his skin. Because his energy was so uplifting I wasn’t so concerned with his individual features. In fact he was 60 pounds overweight at the time, which he has since lost and now feels even better about himself.

Elle Chase, 45, sex blogger and educator – There’s something quite special about a man of a certain age. There’s a quiet confidence that comes from an experienced life that is extremely sexy. I’ve always had a thing for older men and I’ve chalked it up to this — they know how to properly seduce a woman.

Erica Jagger, 52, sex blogger – Life experience.
Joelle Casteel, 36, erotica/BDSM/romance author – Being self-assured and having just a bit of silver or grey within his hair and facial hair. I’ve always liked men older than myself. My master is 44.

Michele Schalin, 52, owner, Little Shop of O’s – Confidence is No. 1 and arrogance is turn off. There is a fine line between the two sometimes, but if a man can walk it well, it’s like catnip for me. If he is comfortable with who he is, intelligent with a quick wit I am totally hooked. If he is timid and uncomfortable in his skin, he’s just not attractive to me. I don’t have any particular look and he doesn’t need to be super fit. But he needs to take care of himself physically and like to do active things sometimes.

Pamela Madsen, a woman of a certain age, sexuality coach, author and blogger – I want a man who can hold a woman who does not hold her sexuality like a pocket book she doesn’t know where to put down. That takes a man, not a boy. And a man who can hold that women is usually over the age of 50.

Sandy Wright Riccardi, 49, tastefully raunchy singer-songwriter – He’s done with his mid-life crisis. He appreciates what he has instead of clawing for more like an infant. My husband is 71.

Seska Lee, 43, activist, sex educator, burlesque performer, producer, webmaster and writer – An established life, a quick wit, and healthy fit body. The reason I said healthy and fit is beyond aesthetics. I have lost older loved ones to cancer and heart disease.

Walker Thornton, 60, sex educator and blogger – Of course, there is no one thing that works for every woman but I think many of us want a man who is emotionally open, in and out of the bedroom. A man who is confident enough to talk about himself and wants a real partner, not a sex toy or conquest–whether it’s for the night or for the next few years. I am attracted to men who are comfortable with their life and their age, they aren’t hiding the gray hairs or trying to act younger. They exude confidence and know what they want–and they want the same for me. Gray hair is sexy. Being open to experimenting with sex in order to create find that ideal mix of intimacy and sexual pleasure for both of us is sexy.

Of course you know that you still want and desire sex. So do the women in your lives and the women who spoke out above. In fact, most of these women said that they preferred older men. And if you look at their credentials, they know what they’re talking about when it comes to sex and men.

As for me, ever since I became single again when I was 32, I’ve always preferred older men. I even dated a few in their 50’s when I was in my 30’s. They understand that sex involves the mind, emotion and soul. They’re not “me” –focused or “penis”-focused like younger men. I’ve often found them more attractive and more interesting to talk to than younger men. Most importantly, they generally know how to treat and respect women better than their younger counterparts.

Now isn’t that enough to reclaim your sexiness?

LSOS-banner-ad-240x400-9Couple (1)This post is brought to you by Little Shop of O’s. Information and opinions about this topic are genuinely my own.

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About Bobbie Morgan (1247 Articles)
Bobbie Morgan is the beditor-in-chief of A Good Woman's Dirty Mind. When she's not blogging or having the best sex ever, she's putting out writing and social media services for adult businesses. Use the contact link to reach her by email.

10 Comments on Over 50 Shades of Gray – What Makes Older Men Sexy

  1. Fun to read everyone’s take on the older man! Thank you for pulling this together.

    • Bobbie Morgan // November 3, 2014 at 9:44 am // Reply

      I had fun writing this! I was surprised and delighted that men’s concerns had nothing to do with women’s opinions of men over 50.

  2. About to turn 71, I appreciate that men around my age not only are willing to slow down, but they actually enjoy sex more with plenty of leisurely arousal time for themselves as well as for their partners. It’s not all about their penis anymore — they like more touching and kissing and have the awareness that their whole body is an erogenous zone.

  3. As a 52 year old man I’d like to thank you for the article.
    You mention “When many of them hit 45-50 years old, they start doubting their attractiveness.” this is certainly true in my case.
    Sadly this time in a man’s life is also likely to coincide with an age where his wife or partner’s sex drive tends to decrease. Many factors may be involved here, we’re often described as the sandwich generation. One one side the kids are now teenagers which relieves some of the minute to minute pressures associated with younger kids but does have pressures of its own and they’ve reached an age where their bed times are not dissimilar to your own. Wind down time down delays bed time. On the other side our parents are sadly passing away or needing caring for or worrying about. This is before considering that a woman’s biology is changing and they also feel “They’ve gained weight or have …” and so feel less good about themselves.
    It is harder to feel attractive when you also feel constantly rejected. The woman you love and desire, that used to obviously desire you too, no longer gives the signals which helped your self-esteem.

    • Bobbie Morgan // November 6, 2014 at 2:38 am // Reply

      If you have room in your budget to swing it, ask your wife if she’d be interested in going on a couples retreat. Most of them are at modest resorts where they hold intimacy and communication workshops … and being far away from home in the middle of nowhere could bring some spark back in your marriage. I can’t think of any at the top of my head, but I wish I knew about them when I was having problems in my marriage.

      • Thanks Bobbie and apologies to everyone else if I’m hijacking this blog,
        I’m in the very fortunate situation that within reason budget is not our problem. For many years we’ve loved to escape away to nice hotels for a relaxing weekend. Before having children this was of course very easy and we could regularly indulge. Since having kids this has been much harder to organise, we don’t have anyone we can do a kids exchange with. Up until this year our rare escapes would lead to a lovely passionate re-acquaintance. This year we were lucky that both boys were off together for a week at a scout camp and so we could have a nice break. The first night we were able to happily make love, it was lovely. But after that her desire was sated and while we tried to find time to the following afternoon, neither her mind nor her body were really interested. Again we tried the second night but again she could neither get herself into the mood to be playful in dressing for dinner nor afterwards back in our room. While she was prepared to go through the motions, having sex with someone who isn’t in the mood is not my idea of fun. And so I end up feeling rejected when even when there are no other pressures she can’t find me sufficiently desirable to actually desire me.
        In other respects our relationship is good, loving and at a non passionate level, affectionate.

        • Bobbie Morgan // November 6, 2014 at 3:05 pm // Reply

          There’s no such thing as hijacking a blog on a discussion like this. I wish I would see more of this, as well as more input from others. You’re not the only person to be going thorough this situation.

          The two of you really need to talk. You need to tell her how you feel and you need to find out why she feels the way she does. This post has some great advice for getting you started: http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/ask-the-sexpert-when-desire-isnt-important-to-your-partner/

          • Apologies for not coming back to you sooner and thank you for taking an interest. Holly’s article makes interesting reading. Ironically since I wrote my initial comment we’ve been been more intimate than normal and even when she’s not wanted to be physically stimulated herself she’s been interested in stimulating me. The love of my life has always been reluctant to talk about the issue, but she does acknowledge it and knows it has a major impact on me and how I feel.
            As Holly points out “Or, is the issue about something else, like body image issues, depression, stress, or fatigue?” All of these things are present. We both appreciate that the situation is complex and aren’t expecting answers to be either quick or necessarily easy to find.

  4. Dear Mr. Regular Reader: rowr.

    Now that I got that off my chest….

    When I launched into dating again last spring I was dismayed how the majority of the men in their 50’s shaved years off their age. It made me sad they lied about their age. I’m not lying about mine, why should you lie about yours? It didn’t occur to me men would feel the sting of rejection based on their age.

    • Bobbie Morgan // November 6, 2014 at 2:49 am // Reply

      I ran into that a couple of times when I was dating, too. I don’t get the point. How long do those guys think they can pull that off?

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