Relationship Ramblings

Pour Me a Glass of You

For years I felt guilty that I was often at my friskiest over a glass of wine with dinner. Eye contact increases. I laugh more. I flirt more. Double entendres and innuendo get bolder. I might even get a little brazen by playing footsie under the table. And to be very frank and honest, I perform better when I’ve had an adult beverage or two. I’m freer, more spontaneous, and can get a lot more daring and kinkier than when I’m stone-cold sober.

Then I’d wonder: “Why can’t I feel this way naturally? I love my partner. He’s a wonderful guy. He’s sexy.”

There’s a reason for that.

I came across an article, Sex and a Glass of Wine. It made me feel better, especially since the author, Emily Nagoski, has a Ph.D. in health behavior, with a concentration in human sexuality from Indiana University.

According to Nagoski, a small amount of alcohol (not enough to take you over the legal limit) helps to turn off the sexual “brakes.” Physiologically speaking, it turns down the volume on the noise in your prefrontal cortex. It quiets the noise on your negative self-talk and creates space in your brain for sexually-relevant stimuli.

Of course, this doesn’t work for everyone. Some don’t drink alcohol. Some can’t or shouldn’t. Then there’s the too much of a good thing dilemma. (In other words, a sloppy drunk is a sloppy fuck.) Luckily, I know my limits, which is about a drink and a half. If I have more than that, I get sleepy and I’m out for the night, and that’s no fun for either me or my lover.