Relationship Ramblings

Putting Playfulness and Creativity in Your Sex Life

When my lover Parrot was last in town, he told me that he would love to get some theatrical body paint and paint our faces and bodies.

If we weren’t almost home after a 45-mile drive through the first snowstorm of the season with never seeing a salt or plow truck, I would have found the first theatrical costume and prop shop and bought every color they had. My only fear would be making him look like one of the members of Insane Clown Posse. Even if that happened (and I wouldn’t do it intentionally), we both have pretty silly senses of humor.

Sex on its own is great. Knowing what you’re doing makes sex even better. So does putting some creativity in your sex life.

Since “play time” is often a euphemism for sex, shouldn’t we put a little more play in our sex? After all, when we were kids, wasn’t play time some of the best times we had? It was a time when we could use our imaginations and make our own rules with the main rule being to have fun. Did those times not feel stress-free and liberating?

Role playing is the most obvious idea when it comes to adult play time. Although the typical scenarios – boss and the secretary, the delivery man, the teacher and pupil – might seem cliché, Lelo’s website has some great suggestions to take those ideas beyond the obvious. If you want to get authentic in playing your roles, pick up some costumes and props at your favorite local or online sex toy shop.

You don’t have to be a self-proclaimed Dom or sub to take part in BDSM. Even if they don’t define your sexual persona, I’m convinced that there’s one person who’s more dominant (or submissive) than the other in every couple. If you and your partner are new to BDSM, check out some of my how-tos on blindfolds and spanking. While I recommend getting things like restraints and floggers from a fetish store that carries safe, quality items and has a staff that’s knowledgeable in making appropriate recommendations, really like Sportsheets’ Under the Bed Restraining System for newbies and occasional players. They’re discreet, easy to set up, and the Velcro latches make them easy to put on and take off. (The easy to take off part is a bonus for Parrot and I. We have no sense of self-control with each other and we’re very tactile lovers.) Plus, I find power exchange, or giving a Dom complete control of what goes on, to be as big of a thrill as sex itself.

I love my sex toys, and I think they’re more fun when I can play with them with my lover. And don’t forget sex toys for him. We still haven’t gotten around to trying out the vibrating cock ring that I got for Parrot a while back If you really want to get creative, I have a ton of suggestions for sex toys that are things that are probably already in your house or your tool shed.

Games from our tween days can only be more fun as adults.

Truth or Dare can be a really fun way to get to know a new lover or learn something new about someone who’s been in your life a while. It’s also a great way to open up your lines of sexual communication. Just don’t be too chicken not to take on a dare; you gotta do at least one of those!

I would think that Spin the Bottle could get very interesting if you’re playing with a bottle of wine (or other adult beverage of choice) that you’re sharing for the evening.

Then there are fantasies and those bucket list items.

Some fantasies and sex bucket list items are daring and risky, but isn’t it a kick to push some boundaries, especially when you’ve gotten away with doing something really naughty? As much as we talked about my idea of doing a nude picnic, getting caught in a secluded yet public place definitely was a big and potentially embarrassing risk. It wound up being something that we enjoyed, was truly memorable, and definitely something we’ll do again. What was just as cool was that Parrot also got to check off a couple of items on his sex bucket list on our illicit outdoor outing: making a sex tape and posting it online.

Even if you have a fantasy that you know you’d never actually do, talking about it during sex can really amp things up. One night when Parrot practically sent me through the wall performing oral on me, I started talking about how I wished I knew what it was like to like to go down on a woman as well as he does me. Let’s say that things got exponentially hotter for both of us.

There are also some fantasies that take some planning and budgeting. I’m still determined to book a flight on the customized mile high club plane in Traverse City, Mich. The five-hour car ride to Traverse City was the big obstacle for us the past summer. Parrot still wants to earn our membership on a “real” plane, but I can’t get past the notion that airplane restrooms are nothing more than flying port-a-potties.

But letting him cover me in paint, I’m so down with that, especially if he can pull off something like the lady in this picture.