Toys in the Boudoir

Review: No Screaming Os; Just ‘Oh, Nos’

About a year ago, Parrot and I used a Screaming O cock ring. He thought, “Eh, it was okay,” but I thought it was loads of fun.

So when Good Vibrations asked what I’d be interested in reviewing from their newest offerings, I jumped on the chance to try out Screaming O’s newest products just for the ladies — the FingO Tips, the FingO  and the Color Pops LingO. I figured these had to be just as fun as the Screaming O.

Like the original Screaming O cock ring, the FingO Tips is a disposable fingertip massage ring that has supposedly has a 20-30-minute life, about long enough for one or two uses.

The first FingO Tips I got was DOA when I got it. The switch was left in the “on” position in the package. Good Vibrations was wonderful about promptly sending out a replacement. Gotta love them for that! I just hope the reason I didn’t have any hassles was because I’m a blogger-reviewer, but Parrot assured me that he’s always had good experiences dealing with them in the past. I have to wonder how often that happens though.It would be a bummer if the same thing happened to someone else and another store or online retailer wasn’t as cooperative about replacing it.  I would be disappointed if I bought one and was looking forward to using it ASAP.

I thought the FingO Tips was fun at first. It has a light, buzzy vibration that’s pleasant, relaxed me, made me feel more mentally centered, and allowed me to get up and on with the rest of my day. However, when I turned it on for a second time, it was already beginning to peter out. I was really hoping to get at least two uses out of it. I got about a good 10-15 minutes out of it.

Its ridged texture didn’t really do anything for me, I was hardly aware of it. That wasn’t a deal breaker for me, but the ridges made it a bit hard to clean. I had scrub it with antibacterial soap and toothbrush (one I exclusively use for cleaning sex toys) a second time around to get the gunk out of the crevices. Was the one-speed styrene-ethylene/butylene-styrene (SEBS – plastic softened with mineral oil) vibrator worth it for just a one-time use? No. Not in my book.

The FingO has a bigger and stronger motor. I liked the little soft and nubby fingertip points on it that vibrate like crazy. Like the FingO tips, its pinpoint focus got the opposite set of lips begging for attention when I had it buzzing on the other side. It also petered out and died after I turned it on for a second go-‘round. The FingO comes with three replacement batteries. I figured it would get me through three replacements. Wrong. The FingO uses three watch-size batteries. I just can’t justify buying so many replacement batteries for single uses, especially when SEBS doesn’t hold up for lots of multiple uses and cleanings, and especially when I had to use a toothbrush to make sure that I got all of the nooks and crannies clean.

I thought the Color Pops LingO tongue vibrator would be loads of fun, but when Parrot put the ring on his tongue, it slipped and flew off as soon as he turned it on. No O’s with this toy; just a big “Oh, no.”

I just don’t see either of these three toys being worth it, even with their short-term fling expectancies. It might be a good idea if Screaming O sold replacement motors for the disposable FingO Tips and Color Pops LingOs.