Parrot and I have become huge sex swing fans since we got one last year. It hangs from a single heavy-duty spring that attaches to a metal brace from which a set of webbed straps hang. Having sex while being suspended in mid-air makes a lot of positions easier. It gives both partners better access. As far as orgasms go, the best way I can describe it is that I feel like my body turns into Jell-O. For Parrot, he says, “It feels like the top of my head is blowing off.”
But if we had put a little more diligence in our sex swing selection, we would have found one that was even nicer than the one we got. Lucky for us, Scott Alexander from Screamer Sex Swings pointed that out to me and offered to send us their Dual Hook Sex Swing to use and write about.
Now there isn’t anything wrong with or unsafe about our sex swing. You just don’t know what to look for in something you may not know a lot about. Think of sex swings being like a piece of furniture. The one we have is like a dining room chair from Ikea. The Screamer Dual Hook Sex Swing is more like a Thomasville oversized leather armchair.
So what’s the difference between single and double-point suspension sex swings? As Scott puts it, “When you have a dual hook, you have two benefits. You divide your weight between two points rather than one. That puts less load on each point and lowers the risk of the mounting points having a problem. The other benefit is that it eliminates the need for an overhead spreader bar. So if for some reason your swing does pull out of the ceiling, you do not have a 10-pound bar over your head that will fall on you. That should greatly reduce the risk of injury if that were to happen. (See this video on how to properly install a sex swing into a ceiling. You can also use a sex swing stand or a door-braced chin-up bar like we use.)
The side benefit of all this is that it can be set wider than a swing with a spreader bar and that makes it a lot more comfortable for those with hips.
I’m not a hippy woman, and I definitely noticed that difference. It’s like the difference between flying first class and coach on an airplane. Sex swings with spreader bars have a span of about 14-18 inches. The narrower the spreader bar and the heavier the body/bodies, the more they’ll pinch the hips and butt. A double-point suspension swing can be set as wide as 36 inches. Twenty-four inches is optimal.
Speaking of pinching butts and comfort, the Screamer has thicker and heavier 4-inch webbed straps that go under the thicker and cushier padding on the back and seat cushions. The padding on our first sex swing only has 2-inch webbed straps, which also pinch the butt while sitting in it. Think of it like sitting on a seat belt strap. It’s tolerable if you’re only going to sit in the swing for about 10-20 minutes, but I’ve actually sat in the Screamer just to relax and talk on the phone. I could easily take a nap in it and be very comfortable.
Another thing I love about the Screamer Sex Swing has that our original sex swing doesn’t have are plastic encased handle grips. When I’m in the throes of some dynamite-blasting sex, grabbing onto webbed straps feels like they’re cutting into the palms of my hands and they still tend to slip. That’s not the case at all with the handles than come with the Screamer. I know it sounds like a minor detail, but it’s an important one.
Unlike a lot of other sex swings, the straps and attachments on the Screamer Double Hook Sex Swing can be removed or attached in many ways to accommodate different body sizes and sex positions. For instance, I found that I was a lot more comfortable when I attached the hooks for the stirrups to the carabineers on the strap of the back support and attached the hook for the hand grips on the chain. Because Parrot’s so tall, we had to hook the seat straps to one of the top links of the suspension chain so that he wouldn’t have to squat while he’s in standing position in front of me. When he’s in a sitting position, we lowered the seat straps further down the chain so I could get between his legs more comfortably for oral sex.
There’s an attachment that you definitely want to get for the dual-hook Screamer that’s sold separately – the squatting attachment. It’s a set of shock cords that hook onto the chain and stirrups that go under the thighs in order to squat over your partner. The squatting attachment makes it a LOT more comfortable than getting on your knees, finding the right place to put your hands, and getting into the right position so you don’t injure the penis. And the shock cords are really bouncy, too! It gives a whole new meaning to “Ride ‘em (or him), cowgirl!”
Another attachment you’ll want to get if the get the Screamer Dual Hook Sex Swing is the headrest. A lot of sex swings, including the original one we have, don’t come with a headrest. I never noticed the extra effort I needed to brace myself to hold up my upper back, shoulders and head before. Now, I don’t feel like I have to hang on for dear life and cut my hands into the webbed straps. I can sit in the Screamer hands-free if I want to and let my hands do other things. (Wink.)
Yes, sex swings, especially quality sex swings, are expensive, but they’re lifelong toys – more along the lines of furniture, actually. They’re a lot more fun than having sex on a mattress, and no one wants an uncomfortable mattress. Getting some money from a tax refund? Spend some of it on a sex swing. Are you willing to pass up a few nice dinners out to buy a sex swing? You’ll make up for the fun factor of going out on a couple of dates with staying home and having fun on a sex swing.
I have no personal stake in what kind of sex swing you should get, but the Screamer Dual Hook Sex Swing is a Product I Endorse.
This article is brought to you by Screamer Sex Swings. Information and opinions about this topic are genuinely my own.