Relationship Ramblings

Sex Dating: Know the Pros, Avoid the Pitfalls

Those of you who are regular readers of my website know that I’m all about relationships first when it comes to great sex. But if you are or are seeking sex dating, that, too, is a relationship. It’s just a different kind of relationship than of couples who are dating exclusively, married or otherwise attached. In other words, what I mean by “relationship” is that you communicate and establish the parameters of your arrangement.

On the Prowl If you’ve been lucky enough to have met a friend with benefits in person, great. But most people start out by combing through adult dating websites. Since online sex dating isn’t something that I do (and I haven’t done online dating in years), provides a pretty good analysis of the pros and cons of some of the most popular adult dating websites.

In general, keep in mind that each of these sites generally have about a 70:30 male-to-female ratio. And, yes, fresh female meat gets snagged very quickly. It’s not unlikely that new female members get dozens, if not hundreds, of introductions from male members the first few days they’re on the site.

Guys, knowing that you have competition should keep you on your toes to impress a woman. As a woman, I can say that a lot of guys consider casual sex as an excuse to go about seeking out fuck buddy very casually. This is where a lot of guys go wrong. Tell her something about yourself that will set you apart from the others before you get into the “tell me more about yourself” request. If you want a photo or more photos of her, send one of yourself first. Be polite, be a gentleman, and above all else, don’t project yourself in a way that you wouldn’t if you were meeting a woman for the first time in person. The genuine women (not pros spamming sites to pick up paid work) who post adult personal ads are not free, on-demmand porn bots; they’re real human beings and they have the upper hand in situations like this.

Ladies, take your time and be picky about who you want to meet. Even if you get a hundred or more responses to your ad, you’ll probably only consider 10% or less than them worth meeting. Resist the urge or the pressure to meet the first guy who contacts you or someone who contacts you the same day.

It also pays to invest in a paid membership to a sex dating site. It’s a great, but not a foolproof, way to filter out the crazies.

Be Yourself By this, I mean act the way you always do, but also be honest about who you are and what you want and expect in a sex dating relationship. Don’t lie about your name, age, what you do for a living, or the general area in which you live. Send a current photo of yourself taken within the last six months to a year. If the point is to meet someone in person, you aren’t fooling anyone if the “today” you isn’t the used-to-be-you with more or longer hair, not as gray, not as bald, or not as heavy as the person in the picture.

Don’t Have Sex on the First Meeting Emails, texts and phone calls are great ways to screen someone you’re considering for sex dating, but don’t fully count it as time spent getting to know them. You really need to see who someone is and how they act to make sure they aren’t physically or hygienically disgusting, creepy, dangerous, or completely bat shit loony. No matter how horny you are, this will prevent any potential for morning-after regrets or dangerous situations.

Meet in a Public Place This is for your safety as well as a convenient way to bail if a first meeting doesn’t go well. Generally speaking, agree to meet just for coffee or a drink. Ladies should be prepared to pay their share of the bill. Men should offer to pay the bill (remember, you have competition who might out-gentleman you in this department) unless she insists on paying her own way.

Be Prepared to Have an Adult Conversation Sure, it’s fun to talk about your proclivities, but also take the time during the first meeting to talk about things you need to know before you hop in the sack. Be upfront about your sexual health history and what you use for STD protection and birth control. Talk about the “what ifs,” especially what the two of you would do in the case of an unplanned pregnancy.

Also, be frank with each other about what you want and don’t want in a sex dating relationship. Discuss how often and where you expect to see each other. If drinks, dinners, hotel rooms or vacations are involved, agree on who pays for what. If the question of the possibility of a long-term relationship comes up, just say it’s not in the cards and say why (work, you’re married or otherwise involved with someone, you enjoy your solitude, etc.). Even if it’s a possibility, you’re not setting the other person up with expectation that things can lead in that direction.

I know this isn’t the sexiest talk to have, but it’s far less sexy to not have a meeting of the minds when bodies are naked in bed or afterward. If anything, it will put more fun and spontaneity in your sexual adventures if things work out that way.

Have Realistic Expectations Unless it’s your style to pick up random and most likely seldom one-night stands at the bar, sex dating really isn’t much easier than conventional dating. When it’s done right, you can have a lot of fun with someone just for the sake of sex.

This post was brought to you by XXX Sex Guides
Information and opinions about this topic are genuinely my own.