Spanking: A Hands-on Tutorial

(Note: This post is written from a straight submissive woman’s perspective. I also prefer to use pronouns consistently in my writing. I in no way infer or suggest that there’s anything wrong with submissive men or bi, lesbian, gay, trans or omni sex; I honestly can’t speak from those experiences. My only intention is to provide safe, sane and responsible sex-positive information.)

Unless you’re a die-hard masochist or pain slut, the sexual intent of spanking isn’t just about pain. A little sting on the behind or the back of the legs is like taking in a good sweet and sour soup at a Chinese restaurant – it’s an unexpected intense sensation. When it’s done right, a spankee’s mind will blur between pleasure and pain.

Before You Begin

Before you lay a hand on your partner, talk about spanking. Talk about your spankee’s experience (or non-experience) with spanking. Ask about her about her likes and dislikes and what her pain thresholds are. If you’ve never spanked during sexual play, let your partner know and take things slow. Use and honor “Slow down,” “No,” “Stop” and safe words. (Sometimes safe words, or words other than “No” and “Stop” don’t come easy when a spankee’s sexually charged, orgasmic or in extreme pain.)

Warm Up

The last thing you want to do is start off by wailing on your sub or partner’s ass, especially with no preparation or notice. Think of that approach as the equivalent of getting rammed in the ass with no lube. Gently stroking the tush and the back of the upper legs with your hand makes the spankee feel cared for and gets the blood flow going. Making your sub/partner feel relaxed and subdued is elemental in building trust for how things will ensue.

Start off Slow

Once your partner falls into a comfort zone, give a quick smack. At the beginning, use more soft touches than spanks. It’s even better when your soft touches and spanks are unpredictable. The unexpected is key to the ying-yang/pain-pleasure mind fuck. Gradually build up the intensity and frequency of your spanks.

A Hands-on Tutorial

There’s definitely a technique to taking a hand to the bum. Don’t make hard contact by striking through the tissue. That’s a sure way to bruise. Snap at the meatier parts of her ass or back of her legs and pull back quickly. Flick your wrist as if you’re cracking a whip.

Also, hold your hands in different ways. Cupping your hand with your fingers together gives the effect of a spanking but also has a bit of a caress to it. Using a flat palm with your fingers apart will have more of an impact. Giving quick whacks with a flat palm with your fingers together will definitely leave a sting, a red mark, and definitely a louder smack.

Don’t think of spanking as just smacking. After all, this isn’t the kind of  spanking you got as a kid. Swat your fingers up or back and forth like a whisking a broom. Use one or both sides of your hands and fingers.

Don’t spank the same spot over and over. Alternate between cheeks and try the hips, sides of her butt, or the bottom back of her legs. A little and more gentle swat to the pussy can leave a delightful jolt, too.

Mix Things Up

Spanking isn’t just all about the ass, although anal play while you’re spanking is fun if your partner’s into that. Alternate between spanking and pussy play either with your fingers, dildo or vibrator. Reach around and grab or caress some boobage. Tweak or pinch a nipple while you’re giving her ass the soft touch treatment.

Getting Heavy Handed

When your spankee’s breathing starts getting heavier or if she’s getting pre-orgasmic, this is the time to step things up in intensity. Let her sounds and movements guide you. If an “Ouch!” is immediately followed by an “Oooh, yeah,” you’re doing things right.

Never be afraid to ask how your partner is feeling. Sometimes spankees won’t say they’re hurting because they think there’s some kind of expectation to endure pain in order to earn pleasure. If your partner is into that kind of game, at least tease her by giving her teasing touches near her pussy – the insides of her thighs, the crook between her leg and her groin. Gliding your finger tip along the top of her ass crack to the small of her back will send tingles and shivers throughout her body and down to her very core. Daring her to come while she’s getting spanked can be a hot dynamic.

Some good, hard spanks while you’re in the middle of hardcore fucking can definitely be in order. A swift whack will usually make her vaginal walls clamp around your cock and give her an orgasmic jolt. Again, monitor her response. If she’s really hurting (and chances she won’t be if you’re doing it right), it’s going to kill her mood and you’ll both lose out.

By all means, I don’t mean to suggest that you have to spank or be spanked from foreplay to orgasm. Just like any other sex play, do what feels good and fits the mood. Don’t be surprised if the person doing the spanking will decide when he’s had enough. His hand is getting a work-over, too, or he might want to put them elsewhere.

Afterglow and Aftercare

After all is done, bask in the tenderness of afterglow. Make your partner feel cared for, loved and pampered. Talk about what happened. Don’t be surprised if she wigs out a bit after coming down or even the next day. This is common. Some call it sub-drop or post-coital tristesse (read more about this in Ms. Q & A: Why do I Cry After Sex?). It can be brought on by the polar extreme sensations, a crisis of conscience, or a fear that she’s not truly valued or respected. Assure her that she is by both your words and actions, especially if words like slut, whore and cunt are used during play (read more about this in Talk Dirty to Me).

If you’re a conflicted spanker or don’t feel like it’s in your nature, tell her. Respecting limits goes both ways, and extreme and kinky sex doesn’t always mean better sex.

Be sure to follow up in the following days. Check for bruising, marks, and welts. Some gals like a little reminder of a stinging bottom or a warm red mark for a day or so, but if it lasts more than 24 hours or if it’s really painful to sit, take it as a signal to take things easier the next time. A little bruising might occur and she might be OK with her, but blotches of black and blue on her backside are not. Even if she didn’t say “Stop,” “Slow Down,” or use a safe word, it may have been hard for her to judge her pain level if she was also feeling a lot of pleasure. Some medications can exacerbate bruising, too.

More, Please, Sir

If hand-iwork isn’t enough, you’ll most likely want to look into some toys and implements to extend the long arm of the law of great sex, but I’ll get into those in another post. I promise.

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About Bobbie Morgan (1247 Articles)
Bobbie Morgan is the beditor-in-chief of A Good Woman's Dirty Mind. When she's not blogging or having the best sex ever, she's putting out writing and social media services for adult businesses. Use the contact link to reach her by email.

2 Comments on Spanking: A Hands-on Tutorial

  1. I like a real spanking like the kind that goes on until I am sobbing. I finally opened up to boyfriend of 8 month that I like spanking. So we tried a few times. He spanked me until he was comfortable a few time. Than he spanked me until I safe worded out a few times. He gave me a few timed 2 minutes hand spanking a few weeks later which was pretty good. But they were always over my cloths. Than I told what I really wanted to try. Told him I wanted a no-nonsense real discipline style spanking until I am crying beyond my ability to make words. I wanted to feel the trepidation of relinquish my safe word. To have no time limit, no swat limit, no protection. I wanted to feel the anticipation of slowly pushing my pants and panties down myself, not knowing when its going to stop or how many I was going to get. I want to try to experience the thrill and endorphins surge of making the choice, to feel adrenaline rush to will myself of staying in position and take it, no matter how bad it hurt until I was crying out of control and feel that cathartic emotional release. He was very reluctant at first and we talked about it for days. I wanted him to start off slower and build up to be more intese. At first he wasn’t wanting to because he was concerned welts and bruises, but he really like the idea of see my bare ass for the first time. After telling him that I expected that. Its still took him over week before he realized I was serious. He finally decided to give it a try. We had to wait for his roommate to leave for the weekend. We got to his place. I slowly pushed my jeans and panties all the down my knees. He put me over his lap started spanking me with his hand really hard for a really long time. I mean after a good solid minute or so, than started with rapid fire smacks for another 3 while I was fluttering my feet like all get out. He finally let me up and I did that post spanking hop. I stiffened up, flew my hands over my ass as I pushed my hips forward and began rubbing frantically, as I was hoping up and down. I was far from crying but I sure was fussing because that was the hardest and longest hand spanking I had ever got. After I calmed down enough stay in one place. He went to his room and came back a pillow. He pulled off his leather but fairly thin office belt doubled it half and asked me. “Ok, are you absolutely sure, no safe word, no time limit and no swat limit?” I respond with a yes. “Ok, that means I decide when this whippin stops, not you, you sure that’s what you want, I mean it this belt spanking will continue until you are crying so hard you can’t make out words?” There I was jeans and panties down to ankles now. As I was still rubbing I looked directly into his eyes, I shuffled over and gently put my arms around him and hugged him. I gave him a long passainate kissed ever so gently and I and said, “Yes, please, I really do want to try this. So please don’t hold back but just start of slowly ok?” “You’ll get quit a few before I finish you off. Remember, your safe word is nullified the moment you laid over couch. I laid over the arm of the couch after he gave me his bed pillow to hang on too. He started in hard and continuous about one whack per second and it just seem to go on and on. I was fussing and yelling quite a bit every time the belt came down. Than right no where he startes beating my ass really and really fast. It took my breath away. I shoved my face I to my pillow and started biting it trying to muffle my screaming. He wasn’t stopping, instinctively I tried shouting my safe word but he ignored it and he kept whacking away. I was kicking and screaming and it seemed like it would never end. I don’t know how long it lasted but I finally broke into sobbing but he still kept whipping my ass hard and fast. When he finally stopped I was bawling so hard I was hiccup crying and my eyes were all puffy and stinging as tears were flowing. I just laid there sobbing. I couldn’t believe I was actually able to will myself to accept it. Its was pure release. Am I the only who likes getting spanked so hard?

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