Relationship Ramblings

Talk Dirty to Me

Her: Hun, we need to talk.

Him: (A twisted and contorted look falls upon his face like the man in Edward Munch’s series of paintings, The Scream.)

Once again, I’m going to pound into the ground the importance of communication when it comes to a great relationship and great sex.

Her: Talk dirty to me.

Make it Fun If you’re a novice to dirty talk or if you’re new to each other, start with double entendres and innuendo. Be flirty. Joke around. Use bad pickup lines if you want to break the tension or nervousness with laughter. It’s a great way to gauge your partner’s reaction and a comfortable way to push your limits. It should be fun. You should naturally get in the mode to top one another’s quips and comments, even if they’re lame.

Sexting Sometimes typing out what you want or what you want to say makes it less uncomfortable. It can be something as simple and direct like, “I want you,” or “I’m so hard/wet for you.” If sexting is something you already do, make it fun by sending a message at an inappropriate time like when you know your lover is in a meeting or having dinner with his or her mom. Or be a tease and say something that you want to do like, “I want to tie you to a chair while I strip for you,” and don’t respond to the reply. Leave your lover begging. It’s a great way to build the positive sexual tension until you see each other.

Phone Sex If you feel that texting is too cold and impersonal, voicemail works well, too. If your lover picks up the phone, say what’s on your mind like, “I want to see you naked. Right now.” It may be hard for some people to get turned on and follow through to masturbating and coming while on the phone. If that’s the case, just make it a short chat and let the moment turn into a private encounter with yourself.

Say What You Want to Do to Your Lover Touching, kissing and caressing will always be great ways to initiate sex non-verbally, but telling your partner what you want to do to them is like a zap of an electric shock. When you’re having a make-out session on the couch, tell your lover (or better yet, whisper) something like, “Do you want me to suck/lick you here or in the bedroom?” If you’re not in the pre-foreplay mode, just walking past your lover while he or she is reading a book or cooking dinner and saying something sly like, “If we were in bed, I’d be using my tongue all over you,” can set the spark. A sly brush of your finger along the arm, shoulder or butt as you walk by will help get the “follow me to the bedroom” message across.

Plus, telling your lover what you want to do to them comes off as a lot less demanding and douchey than telling your lover what you want them to do to you.

Compliment Your Lover In bed, tell your lover what you like. Tell your lover how you like how they use their tongue/teeth/tits/dick. Not only will you stroke your lover’s ego, but compliments go a long way in cultivating enthusiasm for doing something they already do well and do it more or better.

Be Direct If you’re not squeamish about using raw language, saying something like, “I want to fuck you like an animal/whore/beast,” can really take things to the next level when body parts and sensations are getting fired up. If certain words make your lover feel uncomfortable or demeaned, you can get your point across by saying something like, “You make me do bad things” … and follow through on that statement. Mixing up the salty and the sweet like, “You’re my bitch. I adore how naughty you are,” works well, too.

If you’re not sure how your lover will react to your more aggressive sexual side, put your thought in the form of a question before you hit the sack. If it kills the mood, it’s just a lesson learned. You also might want to have a talk about dirty talk when you’re not in sex mode. Respect feelings and limits and make it a point to treat your lover respectfully when you’re in your everyday living mode.

When You Can’t Get the Words Out When the moment and sensations take over, sometimes it’s just not possible to get creative with dirty talk. Even if you think screaming, “Oh my god!” or “Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me!” sounds really clichéd or unimaginative, chances are that your lover will think it’s hot even if he or she has heard it a thousand times.

But in my opinion, when words or your native language can’t come to you at all, that’s when you know that you’re doing it right.