Relationship Ramblings

The Five Stages of Grief in the Loss of a Relationship

AGWDM sad erotic womanThose of you who follow me on social media have probably seen that I’ve been acting out a bit.

Okay, so “acting out” is an understatement. I’ve been more like a rabid pit bull on steroids on a choke chain that’s tied too tight. It hasn’t been healthy and it hasn’t been nice.

I’ve been under some monumental stress lately – a failing business, financial woes, health issues, family problems. I won’t go into details about any of these things because they’re personal and off-topic to my blog.

Then there’s the breakup.

It’s taken me four days to type that word. I wanted to give some time to bring some closure to the situation, but that hasn’t happened. I wanted to give some time for things to mellow and fade, but it’s only gotten worse

I’m not going to go into the details except to say that no hatred, malice or betrayal is or was involved, at least not intentionally on my end. I had to end things for right and noble reasons with all the love, dignity and respect that I felt he and our relationship deserved, but I did get sucked into the vortex of grief. Boy, did I ever.

So I hauled out Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ Five Stages of Grief and wrote out how I was feeling and acting out each one of the stages. I used this version that I found in Wikipedia that applies the loss of an amorous relationship as a template.

Denial
The person left behind is unable to admit that the relationship is over. He/she may continue to seek the former partner’s attention.

Anger
The partner left behind may blame the departing partner, or him/herself.

Bargaining
The partner left behind may plead with a departing partner that the stimulus that provoked the breakup shall not be repeated. Example: “I can change. Please give me a chance.” Alternatively, he/she may attempt to renegotiate the terms of the relationship.

Depression
The partner left behind might feel discouraged that his or her bargaining plea did not convince the former partner to stay.

Acceptance
Lastly, the partner abandons all efforts toward renewal of the relationship.

I clearly got past the Denial stage. I went through that the first three days until I woke up this morning and went full-blown batshit into Anger, Depression and wishing there was a way I could Bargain.

I hate these feeling of anger, sadness, like I’m rudderless, can’t concentrate, not being able to function, and not having any control of my feelings or of this situation. Sometimes I switch between any of these feelings at the flick of a switch. And then there are times that it feels like all of these things fell on top of me like a boulder that fell out the sky.

There was a lot of sobbing, crying and “fuck yous” as I was writing down how I was experiencing each of these stages. There still is.

I wish I had the answers to these problems. At least I had two dear friends give me some sound advice and perception.

“You have to ride out the grief in order to recover.”

“The bigger the love, the more profound the loss.

The latter couldn’t be truer.

For right now, except for some sponsored posts I’ve promised to take on, I’m not sure what kind of direction I’m going to take with this blog. I guess I’ll figure that out as I recover.