Great Sex & Relationships

When Slut Shaming Reaches Your Kids

AGWDM slut shamingMy ex’s second wife is the only person in this world that I would call a cunt. The “C” word has nothing to do with slut shaming her or disrespecting a woman’s sexual organs. It’s simply the ugliest and most vile insult I could think of.

I have my reasons for calling her a cunt. Many reasons. I’ll explain only one of many of them in this story.

In my early years of being divorced, I dated a lot of men. There was rarely a kid-free weekend that I didn’t have a date. Except for the few serious relationships that I had, I never brought up my dating life or introduced guys I was dating to my kids.

Now “date” didn’t mean that I was sleeping with every man I went out with. I made it nobody’s business if I did, but Her Supreme Cuntiness (HSC) made it her business just based on assumptions.

From what I could tell, HSC kept this opinion of me to herself until she told – and didn’t ask – me that she was making plans to take the kids out of school a few days before school let out for Christmas vacation. She was planning a 10-day Caribbean cruise and they would be home by New Year’s Eve.

My response: No. Absolutely not. I would not and would never allow my kids to be taken out of school for vacation and that Christmas Eve was my family holiday. Every year. No exceptions. My ex knew about that family tradition and respected it from the time we were engaged. He knew what a big fucking deal it was and didn’t even think of negotiating that when we drew up our parenting agreement when we were going through our divorce.

HSC told me that I could celebrate Christmas with my kids later during the Christmas break.

I suggested that my youngest son go into another room. Then words like “No fucking way” and “Friend of the Court” came flying out of my mouth.

My youngest came back into the room. He knew something was wrong. He had never heard me yell at anyone before.

That’s when HSC lashed out words like “whore”, “slut”, and “sleeping around with every man that walked the earth” in front of my son and her son.

My youngest and I left. I called my ex later that night and told him that there was not going to be a 10-day Caribbean Christmas vacation. Luckily he agreed with that. He didn’t even know about those plans and wouldn’t have agreed to them anyway. I told him what she said about me in front of our son. He said he would put an end to it.

He didn’t, or at least he never heard the things she would tell my kids.

“Mom, J**** says that you’re a whore and an unfit mother,” my youngest told me a few days later.

“What exactly did she tell you?” I asked.

“She said that you have sex with lots of men and that made you a bad mother,” he said.

“Do you believe that?” I asked.

“No,” he said. “I told her to shut up,” he said.

“You shouldn’t have told her to shut up,” I said. “She’s an adult of the house. Did you tell your dad what she said?”

“Yeah,” he said. “He said he’d tell her to stop.”

She didn’t. She told my oldest son the same thing. When he told her that he didn’t want to hear it, she insisted that it was something that he needed to know. When he walked out of the room, she grounded him for two weeks. During the week he was with me, he asked if he was still grounded.

I laughed and said, “Are you kidding?”

This went on off and on for a number of years, usually when we disagreed about parenting issues. At one point, I went to Friend of the Court to put a stop to the slut shaming and other ways she was interfering in my role as a parent. The judge wrote me off as someone who didn’t like and refused to get along with HSC. The judge made my ex and I sign a parental agreement form that was totally unenforceable.

When I brought this form up to an attorney and my therapist, they both told me that the only way that FOC would remove a child from a parent’s custody or home was if the accused parent was abusing drugs or alcohol or was doing something illegal in the home, like dealing guns or drugs — and they had lots of cases like that. My situation was what they said FOC would call a petty annoyance.

HSC, my ex and I tried family counseling. All she did was besmirch my character. When the therapist told her to stop and wouldn’t allow that kind of talk, she refused to return. My ex and I went for a few more sessions. My ex went on the sly during his lunch hour from work. He told the therapist that HSC forbade him to come to counseling or talk to me.

I felt sick to my stomach knowing that my kids heard this crap through a good deal of their elementary through high school years. But my kids were resilient – more resilient than any kid should expect to be. I feel blessed HSC’s slut shaming and the other bullshit she pulled never diminished their love and respect for me or affected our relationships.

I’m sure that HSC has slut shamed me to anyone who would listen to her. I really didn’t care. If she did, it never got back to me. I know now that any adult who knows her think she’s batshit crazy. I heard that term from a lot when both of my sons got married last summer. But what she told my kids about me was simply unforgivable, even if she bothered to apologize.