I just got done listening to one of Molly Moore’s podcasts with Kayla Lords. Even though Molly and Kayla are fine … wait, make that GREAT sex bloggers, I got more education out of listening to the two of them talk like longtime gal pals then I’ve ever gotten from reading a blog post or article.
Here’s the difference: There’s something a lot more revealing in hearing two women talk about their lives and sex than in the construct of writing and reading a 500+-word article about an issue or topic dealing with sex. What Molly and Kayla had was a conversation about their sexual experiences, how they discovered them, how they those experiences changed their lives, and how they deal with sex and relationship issues in their everyday lives.
How often do the women friends and female family members in my life do that? Almost never. Even though I’m enjoying the best sex and relationship of my life, I have very few points of reference with other women in my life. I have very few realistic examples or camaraderie with women about these things except from reading article and quick emails and telephone calls with other bloggers and people who work in adult businesses. It’s not the same as being able to talk an hour or so over cocktails or coffee.
It’s in longer conversations like the one that Molly and Kayla had that made me feel that I was more intimately connected with other women. One of the things I find most rewarding about writing about sex is to let people know that it’s okay to admit to their kinks and fantasies. Even though I write about my personal experiences in my blog often, I usually feel like it’s a one-way conversation, like I’m talking in empty air. If anyone gets something meaningful out of something I write, I’m flattered, but there’s still a bit of disconnect. I only hear comments from maybe one out of 1,000 people. I want to feel that the excitement and joy I feel isn’t just some dirty little secret that I share with Parrot.
I’m fully aware that women like me, Molly and Kayla are sexually evolved women, but neither of us started out that way. Our sexual sides were something we really didn’t get to discover until we were in our 30’s. I know that many women never really get to that point in their lives because of fear, embarrassment and shame. To me, that’s sad and tragic. The more we keep that side to ourselves, the more we’ll feel afraid to be real with ourselves and our partners.
I know some of that is my fault. Most of my very good friends are men. I generally don’t bond with most women because I don’t get into the competition mode of bragging about the things I have in my life like how big the engagement ring is that I don’t have. I’m far more impressed with all the sexy and kind things Parrot says, shares and does for me. I don’t have a gossipy, nasty and judgmental Mean Girls streak that most women have.
I fully understand that most people want to keep what happens behind closed doors to themselves, but I think we overdo that to a point. I think if we had at least one close girlfriend in our lives who can say, “I feel the same way!” or “That happened to me!” when it comes to sex would make us more honest, happy and confident with ourselves.