Adult Humor

Yes, Ladies. You, too, Can Have a Party in Your Pants.

Please, someone tell me if it’s wrong to be amused by this product like I was some kind of juvenile smart ass…

It’s a Party Panty … a panty with a pocket.

Swear to God, that’s a little pocket sewn into the front of a G-string panty.

The website,, gets better.

Touted as a “party without a purse”, whoever makes and sells these panties offers all kinds of suggestions of what you can tuck away in them…

Cash (I could just see someone paying for something at the checkout at a grocery store or gas station wearing those panties. I dare them.)
Keys, hotel keycards (I bet my neighbors would just love seeing me grabbing my crotch before pulling out my key to get into my building. On second thought, I’m sure some of them would. Especially the sex offender who used to live next door.)
ID (I’d love to see the expression on a cop’s face when he/she asks to see license and registration on a traffic stop. I’m sure getting a traffic ticket would be the least of the driver’s problems.)
Feminine products (O.B, lip gloss, small lubricant, medicine (“Hey, is that a tampon or are you crossdressing and happy to see me?”)
Event tickets (Imagine pulling out a ticket for the symphony or opera wearing those panties. Talk about keeping it classy.)
Gum/mint/Listerine Strips (Please, don’t do the polite thing and offer me a stick of gum if that’s where you keep it.)
Credit cards (Capital One would have to change its tagline … What’s in your panties?)
Condoms, small adult toys (Okay, that makes sense.)
Phone numbers (More than one, I’m sure.)
Business cards (Aren’t we treading into the realm of sexual harassment with that suggestion?)
Pepper spray (I could just hear a defendant telling a judge, “But she was asking for it.”)
Oil blotters (What in the hell is an oil blotter and why would I stick one on my cooch?)

Then there’s a list of places you can wear the Party Panty…

Nightclubs, concerts, raves, sporting events (As much as I hate taking a purse to places like these, there’s still the thing about having cash and tickets on hand in a more discreet way.)
Exercising (So what happens when stuff starts falling out of your crotch during a Zumba class or when you’re doing downward facing dog in a yoga class?)
Shopping (See cash and credit cards, above.)
Traveling (Now I’m associating the Party Panty with a fanny pack. This is doing absolutely nothing to sell me on this product. )
Bachelorette parties, gifts (Gotta admit, these panties sound like the perfect gag gift.)
College parties/panty parties (Panty parties? Never heard of them, and it’s not as if I lead a sheltered life as a college student.)
Exotic dancers (Sounds like an invitation for trouble to me.)
Teenage events/dances (Oh, hell no!)
Swinger parties (I could see that. Maybe.)

But wait! (In my best infomercial announcer voice.) There’s more! There’s an entire catalog of Party Panties … from G-strings to boy shorts in all kinds of colors and prints.There are even bridal Party Panty/garter sets. (Yes. Sets. There is more than one.) Is the Party Panty where the bride stashes his ring in her hoo-hah until right before the groom says, “I don’t. I just absolutely, freaking don’t.”

And how can you have Party Panties without a Party Bra?

Even though women have stored money and cigarettes in their brassieres for decades, hell, why not make a bra that has a legitimate way to store those things?

And maybe a beverage, too.