Relationship Ramblings

A Letter to Miley Cyrus

Dear Miley,

I wasn’t going to say or write anything about your comments on The Today Show about sex going downhill after 40 telling Matt Lauer that he definitely wasn’t sexual at 55. At first I laughed about it because I thought the same thing when I was your age (although I wouldn’t have told a 55-year-old man, especially on nationwide TV, that he wasn’t sexual). And even then I was having sex at your age, there was so much I didn’t know, understand and had yet to try at your age.

But then someone mentioned, “But a lot of girls her age listen to her,” and that’s why decided to write this letter. Maybe you won’t read it, but I hope some girls your age will.

Actually, most women don’t hit their sexual peaks until their early thirties. If you think your hormones are raging now, wait until then and you have a dozen or so years of practice under your belt thong panties. At that age, I (thought I) was having the time of my life! And if you have the wisdom to take care of yourself and not go on booze and drug binges like some of your contemporaries, you’ll still have the looks, body and moves to go along with all that. Talk about a perfect storm!

For me, it wasn’t until I was in my late thirties when I finally went from “Eww, I had sex with him? What was I thinking?” to “Eww, there’s no way in Hell I’m having sex with him.” It took me that long to have the wisdom make critical decisions about who I was having – or not having — sex with. After I got past that point, I no longer had to deal with morning-after regrets or long-term bullshit with some guy I shouldn’t have gotten involved with in the first place. Lesson learned: any guy can be sexy and fun when you first meet him, but not every fun and sexy guy is a great sex partner, boyfriend or spouse.

It wasn’t until I hit my mid-forties when I felt a sort of understanding and acceptance of myself to enjoy myself and sex in a quality way. Sex is no longer just about releasing hormones; instead, it’s more about savoring the intricacies and nuances of touching, sensations, anticipation and mastering techniques. Plus it’s about that age when men get that connecting mentally and emotionally is just as exciting as connecting interlocking body parts. When you have that kind of mental/emotional/physical connection between two people, sex becomes more than just a physical rush; it becomes the ultimate mind trip, too.

At 48, I haven’t hit menopause, but according a few friends my age that have, neither their sex drives nor vaginas have dried up. It wasn’t until the past few years that I realized that I should have been using lube all along. I don’t physically need it, but it takes sex from riding a merry-go-round to a corkscrew roller coaster.

There are other sex benefits being my age. I no longer have kids at home. I can have my gentleman friend over whenever I want. We can have sex in any room and at any time of the day we want. I can take off and spend time with him whenever I want. Plus, I don’t feel like I have wear something or act provocative in order to look sexy; I AM sexy – and my gentleman friend knows I am and loves that about me. He has the same kind of you’re-going-to-get-so-fucked-tonight look in his eyes whether I wear my short leather mini skirt or a dress I can wear from the office to a nice restaurant.

Miley, you seem like an open-minded girl, and if you keep your mind just as open when you’re my age, you’ll be like me – having the best sex of your life.

Ms. Q

p.s. I think Matt Lauer is hot!