Sex Dating Tips

Big Guys are Sexy

AGWDM ConfessionsFatPlayer_bookcoverJustin Harrison’s one of those guys you’d love to hang out with. He has those movie star eyes, wild coiffed hair and facial hair, and wears stylish clothes. He’s always the life of the party with a personality that’s much kinder and warmer than his “comically surly” stand-up routines. It’s not surprising that he dates and hooks up with attractive and interesting women.

But here’s what sets Justin apart from other guys like him: he’s fat. Three hundred and seventeen pounds of fat, and he doesn’t mince words about calling himself fat.

So what makes him so desirable? Some of it comes naturally and some of it comes from the secrets he spills in his book, Confessions of a Fat Player.

You say that you’re fat. (I like to call guys like you big guys. It doesn’t sound damning.) You talk a lot about grooming and dressing in your book. What made you realize that you could look good despite your size?

AGWDM justin harrisonI’d say seeing a few cool big men in popular media. Tony Soprano was king when I was in high school. Unlike a lot of other big guys, I zeroed in on the few depictions of being big AND being cool and let that dictate my own self-perception. It was harder to find cool clothes and certain hair styles aren’t the most flattering for plus-sized guys, but when I got the right combinations down, I felt every bit as handsome as my thinner contemporaries.

You sound like you have the kind of personality and confidence that is outside of the skin you’re in, and that’s a huge turn-on for women. What’s your advice to any guy of any size for showing that off?

I talk a lot about finding what it is you already are confident about. Most people tend to assume that people are judging them on their shortcomings but in reality people tend to look at whatever you highlight about yourself. Confident people tend to highlight what they’re kicking ass at whereas insecure people usually dwell on their shortcomings. If you’re a 300-pound computer nerd who’s incredible at Dungeons and Dragons, focus on how good you are at the D&D. Walk around a bar with the same swagger that you would a Star Trek convention or whatever and it’ll translate. Most people are tremendously insecure and want to be around confident people, no one really gives a shit why you’re confident.

You go into detail about several steamy encounters you’ve had with women in your book. Despite your size, what do you think makes you a great lover/sex partner?

AGWDM justin harrison 2This is for every man: study, learn and ask questions. Every woman is different. If you take five minutes during foreplay to ask her what she likes and experiment until you get it down and then get her off, you’re already in like the 90th percentile of lovers. Do that with dozens of women, over many years and you get really good. For me, that mentality came from being raised by a young single mother. My birds and bees talk came from the perspective of a single 20-something woman in the 1990’s. Needless to say, I was sent out with belief that you do whatever it takes to make the experience pleasurable for the woman.

You admit you’re the kind of guy who likes to date and hook up. What tips to you have for managing women who want more and beyond that? What indicators do you find that lets you know that hat a woman you meet is in it for the same kind of fun as you?

I enter every dating situation open to the idea of a relationship. I don’t like to limit the possibilities of any encounter but fairly soon into it I usually can determine whether I want to pursue something more than hooking up. If I don’t, I make that clear to the other person. Oftentimes women will try the casual relationship with the intent of “winning me over”. There are several subtle and not so subtle cues that’ll tell me if that’s what happening. These can range from leaving personal items at your house to being irritable to straight up telling you that she’d like to be more serious. When someone wants more than just hooking up and I can tell it’s damaging to them for us to be sleeping together, I break it off. There are plenty of women who just want some hot fun and then to go about their business. There’s no reason to string someone along.

What advice do you have for PUA’s who consistently strike out or don’t take the women they hook up with seriously?

Pick up artists are goofballs in my mind. I put their techniques in the same category as penis pumps and “horny goat weed”. I’ve known plenty of guys who followed PUA techniques religiously and never got laid and I’ve yet to meet the guy who’s used those strategies and is now swimming in willing women. I clearly state in the book that being cool and not a douche will get you so much more traction with women and outline how to do that. Also I’d say that the girls who do go for douche guys are also typically tools that you wouldn’t want to be around for more than 15 minutes anyway. Treating people shitty is a bad way to operate in the world whether it’s dating, business or the barista at Starbucks. If a someone is telling you to be that way they’re probably an asshole. Ignore them and go buy my book.