Adult Humor

Fruity Ideas for Un-Fruity-Flavored Lubes

Let me start out by saying that I’m not a big fan of flavored lubes. I like the taste of real food and prefer Parrot’s scent and taste when things get cooking between us. But if flavored lubes are your thing, more power to you. I’m all about people finding something fun, different and crazy when it comes to sex.

Since most flavored lubes have fruity flavors, I always wondered what men think of them.

AGWDM baconlubePerhaps that’s why Baconlube was invented.

Yes, there really is such a thing, and yes it’s in A Good Woman’s Dirty Boutique. But before you start poking with the pork, check out the reviews first. They’re universally pretty bad, as in, “it smelled and tasted like dog food gravy,” and “I puked. She puked. The dog puked. Do not use this stuff.” But you all know my warped sense of humor. I say it might be worth the laughs as a bachelor party gag gift. (Pun intended.)

AGWDM whiskey dickHowever, Whiskey Dick has been getting a lot of praise from liquor and lick-her (and I would assume lick-him, too) enthusiasts. The manufacturer’s description also sounds like it’s been getting some credible street cred.

EpicMealTime’s Whiskey DickTM is water-based, hand crafted and proudly Made in America. This is the gold standard of booze-flavored massage oils – Whiskey Dick is aged 4 years in white oak casks and guarantees a velvety-smooth finish. Whiskey Dick’s distinct Tennessee taste won it a Triple Gold Medal Award at the 10th Annual Great American Sex & Drinking Festival in Bean Station, TN (we also placed in the BBQ competition), and won the Quadruple Gold Medal at the Pan-European Schmiermittel Festival in East Berlin, Germany.

AGWDM liquor lubeIf a dab of whiskey on your lips and tongue isn’t your thing, there’s also Liquor Lube. Since Parrot’s not a whiskey fan, he got all excited about this until I found out what the flavors were: Mai Tai, Amaretto Sour, Bahama Mama, Appletini, Mojito, Baileys and Cream, and Sex On The Beach.

“Give me a nice single-malt scotch lube any day,” he said.

No such thing … yet.