Adult Humor

How to Spot People Who Don’t Know Shit About Spotting Swingers

Really, Was this article on your site an April Fool’s Day joke?

How to Spot Potential Swingers

Aside from this article reading like it was written by someone in a third world content mill and regurgitated through Google Translate, whoever wrote this doesn’t know the first thing about swingers at all!

“They will get very uncomfortable and undeniably conspicuous because the subject is quite hard for them to bear.”
I can’t think of any swinger I know that has any kind of discomfort or crisis of conscience about being a swinger! People in the lifestyle make swinging a conscious choice, discuss their involvement often and at length with their partners, and are generally pretty open discussing the lifestyle with others in it and people who are curious about trying it out. If a suspected swinger “begin(s) to fidget and seem rather uncomfortable,” it’s probably because you weren’t very discreet about asking them if they were in the lifestyle — like at a PTA meeting or in front of their relatives at a wedding.

The Checkout Line

The failure of this writer to master the term “check out” as two words made me laugh. Or maybe the writer was scouting out swingers at the checkout aisle in the grocery story. Still, swingers tend to “checkout” partners either online or at swinger clubs and parties. They’re not predators on the prowl at Wal-Mart or CVS. When they’re at places like those, they’re shopping just like everyone else because as the article says: “Many people thrive amidst other swingers without having a full conscious of who they really are in the first place. This, on the other hand, makes a person vulnerable and gives such swingers an upper-hand or opportunity to live double lives — since they are very good at masquerading like faithful partners.”

You Can Tell by the Jewelry They Wear
Thumb rings, toe rings, anklet on her right leg — “All these clues suggest such women are conveying vibes that they are most likely potential swingers and are available to play.”

Holy cow! I own two toe rings! Have I been sending mixed signals to swingers all this time? Maybe it’s because I like my toe rings and the anklet that I had and lost a few moves ago.

Okay, so some women in the lifestyle might wear a toe ring or anklet as a subtle clue, but it’s an assumption that’s about as flimsy and outdated as believing that a guy who wears a pierced earring in his right earlobe is gay.

Or maybe there is a secret piece of jewelry that swingers wear, like this ring, because swingers fidget.

If Someone Has a Tattoo on Their Forehead, Surely They’re a Swinger

Lastly, swingers won’t have different kind of tattoos edged on their foreheads, to label them as potential swingers toward other people of the same kind. Thus why, in most social conventions like a bar, it’s quite easy for swingers to hookup with each other since they understand each other’s vibe very well. You will find them passing vibes in groups, and if you are part of them you will definitely find someone who will dig your vibe very fast and easy.

Gee, all this time, I just assumed that people that had tattoos on their foreheads were just plain fucking nuts.

And what’s with all this “vibe” stuff?
The words “vibe” and “vibes” were used six times in this article.

Maybe it’s because whoever wrote this article is wearing their tin foil hat a little too tight.