Ever since I was in high school, most of my good, if not best, friends have been men.
Primarily it’s because women tend to be a catty bunch, and I have no interest in talking behind people’s backs, back stabbing other women (especially at work), and tearing down people over the most miniscule, if not imaginary, flaws. My few close female friends are nothing like that.
But men are different. We can lob insults at each other in jest and neither one of it gets offended. If they can flirt, then it’s all the better. I like that I can hold a man’s confidence and let him be able to talk about things that he can’t with his buddies. I most appreciate that when I have a problem, I can go to one of my male friends who will tell me what I need to hear and not just what I want to hear. In most cases, they treat me better and more respectfully than some boyfriends I’ve had in the past.
And that’s where it ends. Even with that kind of level of intimacy and trust, it’s never sexual, and it’s honored and respected by the men in my life. But every once in a while, some have tried to cross that line. Usually, it’s been a man whose wife or girlfriend doesn’t understand him.
I doubt that many attached men start out pursuing a friendship with me as a first step in developing an intimate relationship, and I appreciate that those feelings arise from a sense intimacy that’s a result of very strong bond of friendship and trust. I just hope that these men I’ve had to break ties with understood that I want a man with who I can go out for a movie, dinner or a concert in public and at any given time we’re both available. Eventually, I’d love to have a man join me for family functions and perhaps one day move in together or marry.
For those single men who made half-assed attempts with proclaiming ideals and wishes of long-term relationships that turned into booty calls at their whims and convenience – fuck you, each and every one of you.
Luckily, I have a wonderful man in my life, even though we’re separated for weeks and months at a time by 2,700 miles. It’s not cheap, it’s not easy, but it’s worth it in every way.
He knows that there’s always that chance that I’ll meet someone who lives close by who can offer me all the things that I desire in a friendship and relationship, but truth be told, he sets a pretty high standard on all of those levels.
In the meantime when I’m not with my lover, I’m extremely grateful for the other men in my life – the best friends a woman could ever have.