Great Sex & Relationships

Married & Cheating Online: It Doesn’t Happen Just on Ashley Madison

AGWDM married cheatingI don’t advocate cheating on your partner. I did it. I’ve had someone do the same to me. It hurts. It sucks. But it doesn’t only happen on Ashley Madison. So why single out that site?

It may seem convoluted to use the word “honesty” when it applies to people who are married and dating, but at least on Ashley Madison, everyone knows what they’re getting into. From what I’ve heard, people are a lot more honest about why they are on Ashley Madison. I’ve heard a lot of men say sex isn’t the only reason they’re on Ashley Madison. They’re on Ashley Madison because they’re looking for conversation, companionship, and all of the other warm and fuzzy things that are missing from their marriages. I’ve heard a lot of people on Ashley Madison never meet anyone offline at all. They’re just looking for someone to talk to who are going through the same things in their marriage and understand what they’re going through.

That’s usually not the case when married people (and I’m going to refer to men since that’s been my experience) troll on other dating sites.

A lot of these guys claim to be separated, which usually means they’re sleeping in separate bedrooms in the same house. Or not in bed with their wives while they’re cruising for chicks on the Internet while his wife is asleep.

“Sorry to hear that,” I’d often say. “Get back to me after you’re free and clear.”

“That might be a while,” one of these guys said.

“How long?” I asked.

“Not until my youngest turns 18,” he said.

“How old is your youngest?” I asked.

“Six,” he said.

I had never laughed so hard and so loud in my entire life. I still haven’t.

Then there are the guys who pretend to be single on online dating sites.

For me, their patterns were easy to spot. They were only online certain times of the day. They never chatted, messaged or emailed on the weekends. When they gave a phone number, it was always a cell phone. (This was at the time when everyone still had a land line.) When I asked them for a home phone number, I never got one and never heard from them again.

When I’d come straight out and ask these clowns if they were married, they’d usually get hostile and say, “What do you mean? You don’t trust me?”

I even know of one guy who showed his girlfriend and the woman he eventually married a copy of a fake divorce judgment.

Then there are the guys who say, “I’m going to be in town during such-and-such dates.”

That’s part of the reason why I’m so angry about how Ashley Madison has been singled out and targeted in the way that it has. There aren’t enough hackers and time in eternity to go after every website that plays host to married people looking to get some on the side. And the number of married people who are looking for a connection online? Who really knows? I’m pretty sure it’s a lot more than 37 million.