Ask the Sexpert

Ms. Q & A: Should She Give a Three-Time Sexting Cheater a Second Chance?

Dear Ms. Q,

I’ve caught my live-in boyfriend sexting on his phone three times in the past two months.

The first time it happened he said someone must have texted a wrong number. (He never said who this “Kim” person was when her name popped on the message. I don’t know anyone named Kim.) The second time he said he was just doing it for fun and out of curiosity. The third time it happened, “Cheryl” mentioned something about getting together. He didn’t say anything about it when I confronted him. He didn’t even bother to apologize.

It’s over. I’m on my way out, but my new apartment won’t be ready for two weeks. Aside from giving him silent “Fuck yous” when I pass him by in the hallway, he’s finally apologized and for the first time has used the L word with me.

Am I being an unreasonable bitch or should I forgive him and give him a second chance?

Ursula the Unsure

Dear Sure Thing,

Unless you did something crazy like move in with this guy a week after you met him, I assume that you that you had a reasonable expectation or agreement of exclusivity in your relationship when you decided to cohabitate.

A lot of people have a lot of parameters over what cheating is, but if sexting is something that he’s doing on the sly (and poorly on the sly if you’ve caught him three times in two months), then it’s cheating. Physical penetrative sex is not the only parameter of cheating. There are communication and emotional component involved, too. He’s sharing sexual wishes and desires with another person. He’s even gone so far as to have someone suggest an in-person hookup. He’s obviously getting some kind of sexual want met.

Plus, he didn’t bother to “apologize” until you said that you were moving out. If his apology was sincere, he would have apologized after the first time and never sexted again, especially if he knew that you were hurt and upset. And to throw the L word out to you now? That’s nothing but a cheap and lame ploy to keep you around to share the rent, household expenses and a bed. This guy doesn’t know what love is. He hasn’t demonstrated it to you.

Move out and move on. You deserve a whole lot better.

Ms. Q

Got a question for me? Email me at msquote2(at)hotmail(dot)com.