Great Sex & Relationships

No Woman Ever ‘Asks for It’

AGWDM no woman ever asks for itIt’s almost amazing that I got my first unsolicited dick pic after almost three years since I started this blog.

I’ve gotten very few (probably as many as the number of fingers and toes I have) inappropriate private messages in that time. And dick pics are the kinds of things I’ve come to expect when I’ve been on dating sites, chat rooms (Remember those? I’m dating myself!), and on sex and relationship discussion forums. But as a sex blogger, just about every single one of the male readers I hear from treat and talk to me and other women intelligently and with.

The dick pic got me mad enough to ban the guy from my Facebook page and report him. It got me mad enough to write a post, How Not to Sext or Pick Up Women. I almost didn’t finish it or post it. It was angry and flip and was possibly PMSing. But I was encouraged to write it from a couple of bloggers. “Maybe this (my anger) is the reason why you should write it,” one of them told me. I did, even though guys like the one who sent me the dick pic don’t or probably can’t read.

I thought putting up that post would be cathartic, but as the day went on, I only got angrier.

AGWDM women never ask for itPerhaps receiving an unsolicited dick pic ranks pretty low compared to how lots of sexually evolved women get slut-shamed, disrespected or sexually assaulted, but it still pissed me off.

Just because I write about sex does not mean that I should be treated in such a crude manner.

Just because I’m a sexually evolved woman does not mean that I deserve to be treated anything less than ladylike or respectfully.

Just because I’m a sex blogger does not make me a woman with poor moral values or a slut. Every woman has the right to acknowledge, enjoy an embrace their sexual side. It’s a wonderful and empowering thing.

Being a sexually evolved woman should not erase the fact that I am an intelligent, loving and caring woman, friend, mother, sister, daughter, niece or aunt.

Just because I write about and enjoy sex does not mean that I like or welcome getting unsolicited dick pics from guys I don’t know. I think they’re tacky and tasteless. A picture of a hard dick does not make a man desirable or prove that he’s a great lover. It tells me that he’s all about selfishly fulfilling his own sexual wants and his sexual wants only. Getting a dick pic or demands and expectations that I should give a man my sexual attention is worse than a way a sex worker gets treated. At least a sex gets compensated for fulfilling a man’s sexual wants. I’m just expected to give a guy my time and attention for free, let alone without any kind of appreciation? No; absolutely not, buddy.

I’m not impressed with unsolicited dick pics. I think they’re rude and crude. A dick alone does not make a man sexy or desirable.

Most of all, I did not “ask for it” … the picture and the pretext in which it was sent to me.

AGWDM slut shamingI don’t get this popular presumption that any woman that expresses herself sexually is “asking for it”. I don’t get that most men dream of being with a woman who is good in bed, but when they get one, they treat her like dirt. I don’t get the idea that there are two kinds of women – the woman a man takes home to meet his mama and the woman that a man keeps as his dirty little secret. Why do some men dishonor and run the risk of sabotaging the relationship they publicly value by getting their sexual needs met with some secret nookie on the side?

I don’t get this popular notion that women are supposed to be chaste, pure and sexually dedicated to one man in their life, especially in the confines of marriage. Considering that 90%-97% of people have had sex before or outside of marriage and that the mean number of sexual partners that women have had can be as many as 7.7 (this number varies from study to study since women tend to not to be honest when they self-report), who in the fuck are we kidding? Let’s get real and honest about what women are really asking for.

Yes, I am a sexually empowered woman, but I’m a sexually empowered woman in the context of being sexual with one man at a time. I’m selective about the men with whom I’ve chosen to be intimate. I expect and deserve to be treated as well, appreciatively and as kindly as the way I treat the men I have chosen to be in my life.

And I never ask for anything less.