Adult Humor

Saucy Saturday Stories: Prick Pics, Sexy Seniors & Body Worship

Sexual Performance Art

William Quincy Belle is one of the most thought-provoking bloggers I follow. He had me intrigued and amused with two of his recent posts, Milo Moiré: Giving Birth to Performance Art and Pricasso: Seminal Performance Art.

Moiré paints with eggs. Not chicken eggs, but eggs filled with acrylic paint. She lodges the eggs into her vagina and releases them from a scaffold onto a canvas below.

I imagine that Moiré’s painting technique has more to do with being super diligent about doing Kegel exercises than artistic talent. But if you’re into Jackson Pollack, her paintings might be your thing.

AGWDM pricassoThen there’s Tim Patch (AKA Pricasso). He paints with his prick.

I tried to learn how to paint when I was young. Even with the right brushes, it was something I could never master. But painting with a penis? If I had one, I couldn’t imagine painting with one. I imagine it would be a hard thing to do, especially with a flaccid member.

I think Pricasso’s art is pretty damn good, and I would love to see him at work. He certainly gives a whole new meaning to penis pics.

Sexy Seniors

When I was 19 and became sexually active on a regular basis, I assumed that anyone over 50 didn’t have sex anymore. I never heard “older” people talking about sex, and I never read or saw anything in the media about older adults being perceived as being sexy. When I broke up with my ex-live-in when I was 39, I was afraid that my sex life would start winding down in a decade or so.

Was I ever wrong!

Being on the cusp of 50 and having a wonderful man in my life that’s almost 20 years older than me, we’re both having the best sex of our lives. And lately I’ve been coming across articles that assure me that I’m unlikely to retire my sex life anytime soon.

I’ve had several people share this beautiful, provocative tell-all by a 70-year-old born-again virgin that appeared in Salon: My Sexual Awakening at 70.

The author, Lynn Brown Rosenberg, shares everything — and I mean everything — about her sexual reawakening … buying and renting porn videos, shopping for sex toys, and even some details of her online sex chats.

AGWDM SSS baddie winkleThen I have Jezebel to thank for introducing me Baddie Winkle, the 86-year-old woman who’s been “stealing your man since `1928” on Twitter and Instagram.

I think Baddie is one badass sexy granny. Of course I had to follow Baddie on Twitter. You can, too at @baddiewinkle.

Worship Your Man

When you have a man in your life, it’s not enough just to tell him you love, lust or appreciate him. What will really drive him wild is to show him.

I’ve been telling people all week to read How to Worship Your Man by Marie Franklin of I Married a Sex God..

For as much as I love Parrot for his mind, his body drives me wild. It’s not just an object; it’s a delivery system for some really toe-curling, shatter-the-glass sex. As he’s really gotten borderline compulsive about stepping up his fitness routine, I could always stalk his Map My Run and Strava stats, but it’s a lot more fun to appreciate his progress in a hands-on way. I love pawing the firmness of his chest, his butt keeps getting more shaped and solid, and those legs! Oh, those legs! I imagine that it’s a much of a motivator as it is an ego boost.

I never realized the importance of body worship until he did it to me. It has allowed me to let go of my physical shell and self-consciousness so I can let go of my body, as well as my mind, during sex. Body worship isn’t just walking touching the talk, it’s the most sincere compliment you can give your partner.