Relationship Ramblings

Sex Stereotypes: Good Girls Don’t, but Should

Since the introduction of the birth control pill fifty years ago, we no longer delegate seats at the back of the bus for people of color, we don’t call Chinese people Chinks, and we don’t call Japanese people Japs.

Yet today society still says, “Good girls don’t.”

That was the message I got from reading a story in Salon (that originally appeared in Pacific Standard), Study: “Slut-shaming” won’t go away.

The story is about a study conducted by Terri Conley, a University of Michigan psychologist, who wanted to challenge evolutionary psychology theories that men have a better chance of passing down their genes to a new generation if they sow their seed widely and that women’s odds increase if they’re in a stable relationship in which the man helps raise their children.

It was bullshit fifty years ago and it’s still bullshit today. What woman has ever been approached for a hookup by a man who wanted to get her pregnant?

In her study, Conley found that under the right circumstances that women are just as likely to engage in casual sex. However, her study also found that women who accepted a casual sex offer were viewed as more promiscuous, less intelligent, less mentally healthy, less competent, and more risky than men who accepted the same offer. She also found that women held back on their choices to carry through with their desires because they were strongly influenced by fear of stigma.

These are stereotypes that benefit absolutely no one. They’re stereotypes that are reinforced by men who say they want more and better sex yet intentionally prey upon women with “low self-esteem” to get their fixes. They’re perpetrated by women who say they want a Christian Grey yet choose to curl up in bed with a cup of tea and a copy of “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

If we all want to be happy and satisfied, we gotta get honest. We have to get real. Preferably in this generation.