Even though I write under a pen name, everything I write and share about sex and my personal sex life comes from the authentic me.
Part of it is the urge to share stories that are all about, “Wow! I had this awesome experience and I just can’t keep it to myself,” but there are other reasons why I share what some people would consider TMI.
‘That’s Me, Too!’
Most people don’t have a realistic baseline of how they feel sexually. Even I’ve asked myself, especially when I had my sexual awakening almost 20 years ago, questions like:
Is it normal for a woman to be constantly horny or have really intense sexual fantasies?
Do I have unrealistic expectations of what I should expect in a relationship?” (I wondered about this often before Parrot and I reconnected 3½ years ago.)
Is it silly for me to think that I’m this hot and horny at 45, 46 years old? Do men think it’s silly or pathetic for a woman to be a sexual fireball at my age?” (Again, this was pre-Parrot.)
Because People Gossip & Pass Judgment
These are the kinds of personal thoughts and details most people don’t share with their friends or even their partners. We don’t share these thoughts details and questions because they make others feel awkward and uncomfortable. Hell, thoughts and questions like these make many people feel awkward and uncomfortable about themselves. We fear topics like these will be fodder for gossip or will bring unkind judgment upon ourselves. It’s a huge risk to take because people, including myself, have been judged or gossiped about for revealing much less or even assumptions that people make about ourselves. Unfortunately, that’s why I write under a pen name, not just for personal reasons, but for professional reasons, as well. I can’t afford to compromise my ability to make a living. However, I believe being honest, frank and open about my sexuality gives people an idea of what is not necessarily what is normal, but what is human.
The Media Sensationalizes Sex
I’m not saying that there’s a shortage of stories or talk show topics that delve into sexuality, but the perspective is very different when it comes from a distant or objective third person point of view. Often, when these topics come up in mainstream media, they sound like theories. They don’t often resonate with people on personal levels. A lot of times, they’re stories about sex in the media are meant to be provocative for the point of creating a freak show or a scandal. I think it’s important to let people know that sex is not a freak show or a scandal and not all sex is porn. It’s a hell of a lot of fun, especially when we break the rules of what’s considered proper and polite adult behavior. It can even be a deeply non-religious spiritual or transcendental experience. We really need to change these conversations.
Sex Shaming in Our Society
We’re conditioned to feel shameful about sex before we’re even aware of our sexuality or even know what sex is. Even those of us who weren’t raised in strict religious families or communities had been bombarded with messages and terms like “dirty old man” or “loose woman” or that words like “penis” and “vagina” are bad words. I hope that being absolutely shameless about revealing my sexual side gives people inspiration and courage to do the same themselves.
Everyone Has a Turn-On
I don’t think I’ve ever met a person who doesn’t have a turn-on. It doesn’t even have to be something kinky, but I believe we all have at least one specific trigger that gets us sexually aroused. If we didn’t, our species would have been extinct thousands of years ago. Personally, I don’t believe in the procreation theories. Ever since I stopped having or wanting kids after I gave birth to two, my sex drive didn’t go away. If anything, it’s increased. It’s just a part of who I am and how I think, and I’m perfectly okay with that. Not everyone is. I hope what I share serves as a social barometer of sorts.
We Get Lousy Relationship Education
Aside from getting lousy sex ed in school, kids really have to wing it when they’re figuring out how to date and have relationships during their relationship and sexuality developmental years in their teens. Even as adults, most people have very little understanding of how the opposite sex thinks about sex. How often have we or heard someone say, “I just don’t understand men (or women)”? This is a big reason why I share TMI. I can’t speak for men, but at least I can share what I think or how I feel. I hope that I’m able to give men some valuable insights.
All of Us Should Have Great Sex
I think the world would be a happier place if everyone knew how to have great sex and relationships. Having a great relationship and sex life reflects in my attitude, especially when I wake up on a Monday morning with a shit-eating grin on my face. For some people, it’s all about knowing, “I’m normal, I’m okay because I know someone else who feels and thinks the same way I do.” For other people, it’s all about getting a clue or two. I just hope that I can set an example by sharing my TMI.
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