Great Sex & Relationships

The Keys to Getting Through the Rough Patches of Relationships

AGWDM relationship repairFor a few weeks, Parrot and I had a bit of a breakdown in our relationship. Blame the problem communication, most of which was circumstantial on several different levels. Luckily, getting things resolved was easy because we, as lovers and friends, communicate very well.

I don’t want to get into detail about the circumstantial part. The details might compromise is privacy and identity. However, the way we resolved things were absolutely wonderful and an example of how couples can get past rough patches in relationships.

Stick to the Topic and Don’t Get Hysterical
This is something the two of us do very well (okay, he better than me) the few times anything troublesome has come up. As calmly as I can, I always tell him what I’m upset about and why. Avoiding talking about the smallest peeves only builds until it hits a breaking point. Nip this stuff in the bud as quickly as you can before you go batshit crazy and your partner has no idea why.

Feeling hurt, sad, angry or depressed are powerful emotions, but don’t let these emotions scream over what you’re trying to say. Take your emotions down a couple of notches. Identify those feelings and tell your partner, “I feel hurt/sad/angry/depressed because…”

Staying calm when you’re hurt has many benefits to repairing relationships. When you give your partner the benefit of doubt, it allows your partner to speak his or her peace without feeling like they’re being ambushed or punished before they get a chance to speak. And by all means, let your partner speak. Don’t interrupt and be an open and active listener.

Listen and Understand Why Your Partner is Upset
Even if you think your partner is making a mountain out of a molehill or you did not intend to upset or hurt your partner, respect their reasons and apologize. The worst thing you can say is, “I didn’t mean to do that,” and then dismiss it. Unintentional hurts can be just as painful as deliberate hurts. Dismissing a hurt devalues your partner, compounds the pain, and fractures the foundation of a relationship.

Acknowledge and Respond
Sometimes, you don’t have an immediate answer, need time to think, or want to set aside time to communicate and address the problem at hand. If that’s what you need, acknowledge that you’ve heard and understand your partner’s issue and suggest a specific time to talk about it. Don’t ignore your partner and leave them hanging. Don’t put the issue at hand on a shelf and keep it there indefinitely in order to avoid confrontation. Confrontation is already there and putting it off or blowing it off will only make things worse. Close the situation as promptly as you can, even if means telling your partner something they may not want to hear.

Offering an apology to your partner, or anyone for that matter, can be one of the hardest things to do. No one wants to admit that they’ve done something wrong, hurtful or is the source of blame. Actually, take the concept of blame out of your mind. Apologies are a powerful and positive healing force.
Sincerely apologizing is something Parrot does very well. The few times I’ve brought up an issue that’s bothered me, he has always apologized, said he never intended to hurt me, and never repeats the offending action again. This is one of many things I love about him and makes it easy for me to forgive him.

Forgiveness is just as important as apologies. When you walk the walk on your apology, it makes it easy for your partner to throw the offending behavior out the window. Forgiveness really does mean forgetting. It means not second-guessing or punishing you partner after the problem has been resolved. Once a problem is resolved, close the book on it. Permanently. Especially when the behavior or actions don’t repeat themselves.

Everyday Conscious Loving
Truly loving and respecting your partner every day will keep your relationship problems few and far between. It establishes confidence in knowing that your partner values your relationship and will keep their word when they apologize and promise to do the right thing.

Makeup Sex
It can be so refreshing and renewing! The thought of it is making it hard for me to maintain my self-control until we get to be with each other!

I realize that I’ve made repairing a rough patch in a relationship sound so idealistic and easy, but when couples truly love and respect each other, this stuff really does come easy and the things that disrupt relationships are far and few in between.

Note: Keep in mind that I used the term “rough patch”, not when a partner has consciously and knowingly done something to damage or sabotage a relationship. That’s an entirely different situation.