Relationship Ramblings

What Women Say & What They Really Mean in Friends with Benefits Sex

Last week, I wrote about the difference between what a man says and what he means when it comes to friends with benefits dating and dating sites like A Friend With Benefits ( and Laid Dating ( I only thought it was fair that I provide a guide about the difference between what women say and what they really mean. If you’re a guy, I assume that you already know how to decode common phrases like “Fine,” “Go ahead” and “Do what you want” since you’ve made it this far in life without having your balls sawed off with a butter knife and tossed out on the highway. Also, when it comes to friends with benefits sex or any other kinds of dating or sex, there are a whole lot of other things to decipher.

What she says: “I haven’t had many men in my life.”
What she means: “My number’s in the double digits, but if you knew that, you’d treat me like a gutter skank. Even though we’re discussing the possibility of hooking up, I still expect to be treated like … you know … a lady.”

What she says: “I’m adventurous.”
What she means: “Yes, I’m being totally evasive about the sex part because I want to see if you have the sexual and emotionally maturity to handle me. Pass the test, and I’ll be ready to divulge private parts of my life that I don’t discuss with anyone else.”
She can also mean: “I’ve never passed up an opportunity to have sex. I don’t even know my number. I’ve been with so many people, I’ve lost count. Hell, I don’t even know the names of some people I’ve had sex with. It’s not the kind of thing you ask when you find yourself in an orgy at a sex club or in a bathroom stall with some hot random stranger at a nightclub.”

What she says: “I can’t see you tonight. I have plans.”
What she means: “I’m being intentionally vague because I have plans with another guy. I’m sure you’d rather not know that. If I had plans with friends or family, I’d tell you all about them in great detail.”

What she says (to a booty call request): “I don’t know about tonight. I’m tired.”
What she means: “I’m tired, but if you bring over a good bottle of liquor and make me a cocktail (or substance of choice or promise to give the best oral sex ever), I can be easily persuaded.”

What she says (to a booty call request at his place): “Why don’t you come over here?”
What she means: “I’m tired of driving all the way to your side of town every time you get a hard-on.”

What she says (to a booty call request at her place): “Why don’t I come over to your place?”
What she means: “My place is a wreck (or it’s not completely spotless and tidy) and I know you’ll judge me.”

What she says: “Size doesn’t matter.”
What she means: “Size really doesn’t matter. You just have to know what to do with it … or have a talented tongue.”

What she says: “Are you seeing anyone?”
What she means: “I’m interested, but I don’t want to waste any time or energy on you if you’ve already got someone in your life. If you don’t have someone in your life, ask me for my goddamn number already.”

When she says: “I’m not bi.”
What she means: “Of course I’ve wondered what it’s like to be with a woman, but if you knew that, all you’d do is hound me about doing a threesome.”

What she says: “I feel fat.”
What she means: “I feel fat and I really hate the thought of getting naked and having sex with you. But if you tell me how beautiful, hot and sexy I look, I can be easily persuaded.”

When she says: “Let’s take it slow.”
What she means: “I’ve got at least one other possible guy in the wings. Bump up your game. Show some effort. That could be the deal maker.”

When she says: “I’m really busy now.”
What she means: “I have no interest in seeing you. Stop bugging me to have sex with you.”

When she says: “I need some space.”
What she means: “I need some space away from you. I need so much space that there will be no chance of ever seeing or running into you.”
She can also mean: “I’ve met a guy who really turns me on, treats me well, and could possibly be ‘the one.’”

For more reading on friends with benefits dating, check out What are Friends with Benefits? ( in A Friend With Benefits.

This post is brought to you by A Friend With Benefits ( and Laid Dating ( Information and opinions about this topic are genuinely my own.